Thinking. It's a dangerous pasttime.
but sometimes it can help you clear things up. first of all, the reasons that i want to leave karl. it's not about that other guy.... he was merely a spark... i think it was not the person, but the realization that there are people. if that makes any sense. i was brought to the realization that there are other guys in the world, and that i can have feelings for someone other than karl, which makes me wonder if it's right for us to be together at this point. also, i've been talking to tons of guys that are going to stanford next year... holy cow, there are a ton of them. which makes me completely psyched to head off that direction in 18 days. and they're almost all extremely intelligent, smart, funny, and fun to be around... and maybe even some of them'll be hot. (:
i owe that other guy an apology. i always manage to fuck things up with him. our friendship means a lot to me, and i love hanging out with him. but it seems that i always manage to get the wrong idea around him and try to turn things into what they are not meant to be. always. i'm a moron. so, if you're reading this, let's be friends. keep in touch, please. don't let my quirks scare you off... well, i suppose they have in the past, but we've gotten through it, so let's get through this. and maybe, at stanford, there will be that knight in shining armor that embodies everything that you are and everything that i wish you could be that i know you never can be. maybe someday i will become the strong woman that you think i am and that i wish i could be and someday, we truly will be just friends. i'll survive... don't worry about me.

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