been awhile (like, almost 24 hours) since i've posted. just got back from the math 51 midterm. we seem to have reached a draw. it didn't ass-rape me, and i didn't kick its ass to china. i suppose it's better than it could have been.

ihum paper is getting ready to kick my ass next. before that, however, coho, work out, margarita night(?)(virgin?), and mikey time. then friday. friday night special dinner. weeee! saturday night tenrsex. time to convince rojo that i'm really not a booze mooch, that i actually enjoy doing stuff with the band, but i have too much shit on my plate this quarter.

i've also become a musicmatch convert. it's better than windows media.

okay, time to go to coho for coffee then margarita night. weeeee!

jenny: hey, are you and mike still going out?
me: yeah, why?
jenny: i dunno, i don't see him around that much anymore.
me: we've both been super-busy this quarter. we're still together, trust me.
door: knock knock
(enter MIKEY, with two pearl milk teas)
me: hello.

It just occured to me that I really haven't had a breakdown since I got here. I suppose i'm due, then. i feel overworked. i feel like i can't handle the workload i have. i feel like taking 19 units was a really stupid idea. i wonder if i should drop my seminar. the problem is that dropping the seminar wouldn't solve the problem, since it really hasn't proven to be so much work yet. the problem is that i don't understand my math class, i'm falling behind in my japanese class (i got a "dooshiten deshita ka" on my last quiz, meaning "what happened?") and i can't keep up with the reading for ihum. i have a paper due in that class on tuesday, and i have no idea what i'm going to write it about. i have a vocab quiz in japanese on thursday which is conveniently the same day as my math midterm. the only option really would be to drop my seminar. i wouldn't do it because it's so much work, but because it's an hour and a half, 2 days a week, when i could be working on math or ihum or japanese. the seminar is something i really wanted to take though, and i would feel terrible dropping it because there were so many people on the waiting list that could have taken it in my place, and done well, and enjoyed it. and if i'm going to minor in japanese, this class will help me. who am i kidding, minor in japanese? ha. i can't speak the fucking language. i don't understand it. i forget vocab the day after the quiz.

i wonder if the girl who plowed into me on her bike realizes that that was the last straw in me officially declaring today a horrible day. i saw her coming. i looked at her and was like, that girl is going to hit me. i moved off to the left, and she swerved off to her right, the same direction as i was going. then bam, she hit me. right square on my right leg. i jammed my finger trying to grab her handlebars to keep her from hitting me too. i wasn't hurt, but for some reason after that my tailbone started to hurt again. like leftover from those horrible snowboard wipeouts i had 2 weeks ago. i hope it's not fractured or anything. *sigh*

i need to have an emotional breakdown, but i have a full-time roommate who never goes to class. and she's busy talking to kelli about some cute guy she met.

and i have so much i need to do that i can't handle it. i should really consider dropping my seminar.

and i need to go to the post office, but i'm scared to go back outside. i had a very-near bike collision yesterday, a girl in my dorm had a huge accident yesterday morning and knocked out a tooth, and i got hit today on my way back home from japanese. i can't handle this. they should outlaw bikes. they're dangerous.

"i'm losing and failing
when i move, i'm flailing"
-blink 182

Theoretically I should be working on my math homework, but I just listened to Rufus Wainwright's Hallelujah from the Shrek soundtrack which is an amazingly beautiful song, so i feel now like i need to blog.

Mike and I just had a beautiful deep conversation about reality and deity. what i can explain from it is that we decided that there is harsh reality, and then there is your perception of reality. you and you alone decide what the difference between the harshness and your perception is - whether it includes God, Buddha, Jesus, the Goddess, or whatever. It's an interesting idea. I propose that everyone in the world should invent their own religion, and create it around whatever you feel is important. study every religion that you can find, and decide what aspects of each you enjoy. i find that i like a lot of elements of pagan religions, buddhism, sufism, and other Eastern philosophies, and fewer elements of Western religions (although Jesus was a super-smart guy and there are a lot of lessons to be learned from the bible). to each his own though is the most important thing. everyone needs to decide exactly what they want to incorporate into their personal reality perception model.

right now i've given up on figuring out what i have in mine and am doing math homework.

Nîn o Chithaeglir
lasto beth daer;
Rimmo nîn Bruinen
dan in Ulaer!

Lament for Gandalf (known as Mithrandir to the elves of Lothlorien)

A Olorin i yaresse
--Olorin, who once was...
Mentener i Numeherui
--Sent by the Lords of the West
Tirien i Romenori
--To guard the lands of the East
Maiaron i Oiosaila
--Wisest of all Maiar
Manan elye etevanne
--What drove you to leave
Norie i melanelye?
--That which you loved?

Mithrandir, Mithrandir, A Randir Vithren
--Mithrandir, Mithrandir O Pilgrim Grey
u-reniathach i amar galen
--No more will you wander the green fields of this earth
I reniad lin ne mor, nuithannen
--Your journey has ended in darkness.
In gwidh ristennin, i fae narchannen
--The bonds cut, the spirit broken
I lach Anor ed ardhon gwannen
--The flame of Arnor has left this World
Caled veleg, ethuiannen.
--A great light has gone out.

haven't posted for awhile. i don't know why, exactly. let's see. it was, all in all, a great weekend, considering the fact that mikey was out of town :( which would usually cause the weekend to have a Propensity to Suck (tm). anyway, it was roomie heather's birthday on saturday, so we had cake and a party... which was fun. we got all dressed up cute and went out to SAE, which was actually a decent party. usually frat parties suck, and i wonder why the hell i ever end up going. but this one was not just decent but good. it wasn't too crowded at the beginning (they had a list, which means if you're a guy, you're screwed, but if you're a girl you take off your jacket and ask them if they're sure your name isn't on the list.) which was cool. the beer was shitty, of course, but they were making sno-cones (!) with vodka in them. wow, that was good. an awesome idea. they also were doing shots through an ice sculpture, which was a really neat idea. there was styrofoam all over the floor too, giving it a snowy sort of theme. anyway, the party was fun. the entertainment highlight of the evening was totally freak dancing with some kid from my ihum section. i think it was just the pleather pants. he couldn't keep his hands off them. (: weee pleather! when i came home i ended up watching part of Lord of the Rings on jenny's computer, which was cool. she's downloaded 2/3 of the movie, so I watched the middle third (the first one is what she doesn't have yet).

all in all, a successful weekend, and a good birthday for heather. hopefully next weekend will be just as good (special dinner! stomp! weeee!) or better. (: it'll be better, because i can spend time with mikey. yay!

Ok, time to study japanese. nihongo o benkyoosuru. nihongo o benkyooshinakatta.

i wish i could remember more of the dream i had last night. i only remember the end of it. i think it took place in middle-earth, because that was the feeling i had at the end was that the ring of power had just been destroyed. we were climbing a hill to watch the sunset over the now-amazing landscape. we were climbing the east side of a green valley. the east side was rocky, but not too hard to climb, but below us there was a beautiful green valley with a blue stream and then on the other side were hills and then mountains. but the mountains, as we destroyed the ring, went away (i assume they were the mountains bordering Mordor or something.) and left the sun to set behind the hills. the valley was bathed in a peaceful orange-pink light, and the clouds went from grey to blue as the mountains vanished. i remember the sun setting behind the hills and suddenly it was dark and colorless, but then the moon rose, at the same place where the sun set (i know, it doesn't work this way :), going the other directions, and cast a silver light across the entire valley. it was breathtaking. if i were an artist i'd paint the scene. but i'm not, so i have to leave it in my brain.

today... ahh, today. did anything exciting happen? let's see. japanese this morning, mikey got some points by bringing me tea. that was super-nice of him. it was delicious tea. (: i do love tea, especially when i'm sick. japanese class, other than the tea, was uneventful. then i went to ihum lecture. i realize now that i haven't blogged about ihum yet. this quarter i'm taking "power and passion: women and men from the bible to beckett." the professor is marsh mccall. he's pretty pompous. invokes the wrath of yahweh frequently etc. anyway, yeah. he's a bit of an ass. so i sat through that. this afternoon i had math section with joe the adorable math ta. he's a grad student. lyndsie and i sit there in class and go "awwww!" at him because he's an adorable little math guy. it's funny. then i had ihum section. enough said.

after class i went over to narnia and hung with mikey a little. we watched clue. what a classic movie. and by "classic" i mean "so stupid it's brilliant." it has such glitteringly classic lines as: "I'm a plant." "I thought men like you were called a fruit." ... "Communism was only a red herring!" ... "I'm going home to sleep with my wife!" yeah. it's a good movie. so mikey's gone for the weekend, snowboarding again, the little bastard. which means i have the weekend to myself. i have no idea what i'm going to do. saturday night, one act plays perhaps. work on the dorm newsletter, likely. study japanese, read tolkien (perhaps start unfinished tales?) (what would happen if i was done reading the unfinished tales? "i finished the unfinished tales." hmm...). do math. ponder ihum paperage. hmmmm. well, i'm sure i'll be bored and lonely, but i'll probably get shitloads done.

tomorrow is friday. 2 classes: japanese and math. i can handle that. i might even go to the 11am japanese, for the sake of some sleep. not much incentive to go to the 10am, when mikey's off snowboarding. :P

this is a long blog.

hmm. i suppose i should start thinking about spring break. any suggestions?

i support queer rights.
if you do too, and you're a stanford student, sign the outlist. it's not just a good idea, it's... um... something. (: weeeee!

This is too cute. damnthepacific dot com

Do you not hear me anymore
I know it's cool to be so bored
I know it's not your thing to care
But it sucks me in
when you're aloof
It sucks me in, it sucks it works
I guess it's cool to be alone
Will you never rest
Fighting the battle of who
Could care less
Everyday you wake up late
Sometimes I wish I was
that way

And you think Rockford Files is cool
But there are some things
that you would change
if it were up to you
So think about your masterpiece
Watch the Rockford Files
Call to see if Paul can score some weed.

Will you never rest
Fighting the battle of who could care less
Unearned unhappiness
That's ok I guess...

I've go this great idea
Why don't we pitch it to the Franklin Fucking Mint
Fine pewter portraits of
general apathy and major boredom singing...
Whatever and ever Amen
Oh well maybe not try again
This should cheer you up for sure
See I've got your old I.D.
And you're all dressed up like the Cure
Will you never rest
fighting the battle
of who could care less
unearned unhappiness
You're my hero I confess

"Battle of Who Could Care Less"
ben folds five

when i get older, and a steady job, and money, i want to snowboard every weekend during the winter. i'll be good. it'll be cool.

but first, i need to somehow find enough money to buy equipment, lift tickets, and some more lessons. not to mention the ski chalet i'll be needing.

ski trip: unbelievable.

started out rather poorly, sitting on our asses on the bus for like 45 minutes waiting to leave. but we finally rolled out around 6 (supposed to leave at 5)... i fell asleep for awhile, we watched a couple of movies... felt kind of funny that day, so i actually ended up getting (of all random things) motion sick on the bus... booted in the bathroom... ew. trip out to tahoe took about 7 hours, and as soon as we got in i got my ass in bed.

bed, for heather and i, was in a little "harry potter" closet under the stairs. hey, it was the only non-traffic-pattern floor space available in the entire house. we had what, 45 people living there, so it got kinda cramped. sleep wasn't so much satisfying, but as soon as the alarm went off i was damn ready to get my butt on the slopes.

and by "butt", i of course mean "butt", because i learned to snowboard. that kicked ass, dude. major ass. took a lesson the first morning, got the basics down, and after lunch tackled a slope. i rode down (halfway actually riding, halfway ass-riding) pretty well - it took me a couple tries to get it down, but by the end of the first day i was sore, mildly frustrated ("why the hell didn't i just stick to skiing?"), but i felt like i was definitely getting better.

wild party saturday night at house 2. need i say more?

sunday, went out and hit the slopes early. took some of the more difficult green runs on the mountain, not quite successfully (rode down sideslip most of the way, but hell, it was fun)... by the end of sunday, however, i was in absolute pain and ready for a hot shower.

sunday night, wild drinking games in our house, followed by a massive takeover of house 2. it ruled.

monday morning, we packed up and waited for the buses. and waited. and waited. it was about 30 minutes late. we watched a bunch of shit on mtv. but it was cool. then we hit the road. didn't get bus sick this time, no, something much more substantial happened.

here's the story (as far as i can make it out):
our bus was behind house 2's bus. traffic was moving along at about 65 but there was a huge traffic jam pretty far ahead, so cars started slowing down. the bus in front of us (i think) swerved a little to avoid hitting another car, slowing down way too fast for our bus to avoid it. so our bus swerved off into the right shoulder to avoid rear-ending the other bus... there was a hill off the side of the road, that we were kind of half-riding on... attempted to pass the first bus on the right, driving on the shoulder... not enough room for us to pass. bus bouncing up and down, kids flying out of seats, and holy shit, the other bus is way too close to us. suddenly, the sickening sound of metal on metal and a crunch as the first two windows on our bus are broken. (most of the glass stayed in the window, but some of it rained down upon a few kids. luckily not me.) i bruised my ass coming back down on the armrest of my chair. everyone screamed. i thought we were going to die.

but we kept on going. about 2 minutes later the buses pulled over and the two drivers had a powwow. i suppose they decided not to call the police and file an accident report because the buses were owned by the same people, the kids in the buses were going the same way, and no one appeared to be injured. so we kept on truckin' on. it was weird.

DEFINITELY a memorable weekend. definitely. unbelievable fun. i loved it. amazing. (i'm a convert. i don't know if i'll ever ski again.)

weeeee!

Have an awesome weekend everyone! i'm going snowboarding! WEEEEEEE!

Weeeeee. I'm lice-freee, and can go on the skiiiii trip! weeeeee!

running unopposed can suck ass. there's no challenge. no pursuit. no sweet taste of victory snatched from the jaws of defeat.

hooray for room 232 and their chocolate party!!!

it just occurred to me that i have 45 minutes to come up with a speech to make to branner that will convince them to vote for me for secretary. hmm. what need i say? "vote for me. you'll actually *see* a branner newsletter every week. an informative, interesting, and entertaining newsletter, not a 'brian dunne's personal rant' newsletter. and the dorm government won't be a complete sausagefest. i'd love to put off my studying for the hour or two a week it'll take me to fulfill this job... really."

i think that will do. perhaps i'll just go read some more tolkien now. (:

updated: links page. also, put pictures up in the pictures directory, so be sure to check them out... bandquet pics... party pics... random-ass pics... weeee! (:

excitement.

my amazon order came in (finally!) so now my tolkien collection has gone from nonexistant to pretty damn good. i have the one-book version of lord of the rings as well as a copy of unfinished tales of numenor and middle-earth. this is exciting. i don't know how i'll get any ihum reading done with this much tolkien in my room, but it makes me unbelievably happy to touch, feel, skim and smell the books. must... reread... lotr... trilogy... perhaps i'll do that on the bus to tahoe. or start unfinished tales.

the books are beautiful. the trilogy has a picture from the movie, the shot of the nazgul (ringwraith) on the hill above where the hobbits are hiding, just the creepy shadow of a black rider against an eerie blue night. the unfinished tales has a beautiful artist's rendition of what i suppose is numenor, which i know nothing about because i haven't read said book. it's gorgeous.

wow. i love new books. i love devouring books. i love immersing myself in tolkien's world of middle-earth. it's an incredible story.

ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
-inscription on the One Ring

fuggin tired is me.

just went to the gym. i pulled the "let's beat the shit out of kat" routine. i spent 20 minutes on the stairstepper and then ran a mile on the treadmill, and then lifted and did abs. my arms are starting to look pretty good which is cool. now if only the poundage would melt off my tummy too. perhaps i will start going to the gym after japanese in the mornings. that will be good.

I REALLY hate it when you've got something you know you need to blog and then it completely escapes your mind before you get to the blogger window. wow. i need help.

The Edited Version.

Went to bandquet with chuck. it was interesting. on the way back stopped by sigma chi and i touched ben savage.

There. Edited. Watered down. Cut. weeee.

today's google search hit winner of the day: "mom and son fucking." I wish people would put quotes around their google searches, because i'm sure i had those four words on my site but certainly not in that order. sigh.

but of course, now, my site contains the words "mom and son fucking". so now google will legitimately turn my site up in searches for this sick, disgusting request. *sigh.* i can't win.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Meredith Brooks, Bitch
(thank you jamie!!! :)

now accepting (or begging for) suggestions for a bad-ass costume for one guy and two girls attending an LSJUMB formal event... any ideas would be highly appreciated. (: weeee!

ahh, friends. i miss you wiccechick!!!!!!!!!

waa! where did my comments go??

a most interesting email...
(for those of you who don't know, chuck is "The Tree", of "The Tree" fame. and as far as our history together, if you don't know, please, for the love of god, don't ask. (by which i mean, that's a funny story, and i'll share it, but not on the blog.)

From: Chuck Armstrong
To: Kat R-------, A------ B------
Subject: A modest proposal
Date: 1/10/2002 2:13 AM

Ladies,

As you know, the time of Bandquet is upon us. As is sometimes customary for Bandquet, people attire themselves by themed groups.
Being in that we have a storied history together, I was wondering if you two charming ladies would like to have the honor of being my dates. If you would, of course, that means I would be willing to pay for half of each of your covers (sorry, but I'm still poor), and who knows, you may get even luckier (if you know what I mean) (what I actually mean is "drunker"). How can you refuse? The answer to this question is this:
You cannot.

However, on a more serious note, if you are uncomfortable by the idea of this or by the idea of being grouped together at all, then I sincerely apologize and you may each slap me in the face as many
times as you like as long as it not surpass thrice.

Please let me know at your most convenient opportunity.

Yours truly,

Chu¢k

So my roommate walks in after her class this evening and says, "Hey, did you guys know it's 'global warming, not global warning? I just learned that."

so sir ian mckellen is out of the closet....
this brings up interesting issues about...
gandalf the gay?

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

goo goo dolls, "iris"

weeeee!

birthday party!

hmmm... template issues. hmmm.

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!

I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here.

-No Doubt, Just a Girl

weeee angry feminist rock! hehehehe. i love this song.

ahhh, just got back from working out and cohoing. it felt good, both parts. (: now i'm all sore. but i think i'm getting some muscle definition in my upper body.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 34 MINUTES! I'M ALMOST 19!!!!

ok, maybe shower and sleep time now?

ahh, back to the old life. ahh, back to turning my music up on my headphones to drown out a) jenny's shitty music b)jenny's annoying voice c) jenny's annoying friends d) anyone who happens to stop by, not to talk to me of course, but to talk to my more attractive roommate. gah. that chris guy across the hall, the one who acknowledges my existence but nothing else, is now sitting on the back of my chair as i type this, talking to jenny. what the hell is he doing in here? does he realize that there is an unused chair in this room if he wants to sit down, and that the back of mine is not an appropriate place to plop one's arse?

just finished the sequel to Bridget Jones's Diary. Highly entertaining. was laughing out loud at the end. have found self mimicking bridget jones's writing style. fortuntately have never been imprisoned in thailand.

my music is not loud enough. i need to escape. i neeeeed to escape. working out in 3 hours is an enticing prospect but in the meanwhile would like to get coffee at the coho and chill with mike. unf. mike is not at his computer, and cannot pick up phone and plea for salvation with jenny and annoying entourage in room. perhaps i'll just go wander the campus. is only 7:45... could go return seminar course reader... yes. should do that. what fun. perhaps afterward will locate alleged """boyfriend""". that's it, i'm off.

asssssssrapage.

ow. that hurt.

i'm never going to the bookstore again.
oh wait, i'll probably be there again today. :P

home!!!!

ahh, sooo good being back at stanford. i love this place. i was a little shaky on the plane ride, there was that question of "am i going home or am i coming from home?" but after a long shuttle ride i finally arrived at branner hall and... it all comes flooding back. there was a bit of a dormy smell at first, but either the windows have been open enough or i'm used to it... it's great now.

got dinner with mikey and jamie at a mexican restaurant in PA. it was pretty good. good to see him again. i missed him. i dont' know if i fully realize yet how much i missed him, i kind of got used to the "single" mode... i might just need a day or two to get re-used to the concept of having someone. it won't take long, and it'll be cool. (:

yep, my roommate and i are alcoholics. heather cut up a grapefruit and poured two shots of smirnoff on it. that was yummy. it's going in the recipe box. (:

soooo good being home. i love this state. tomorrow: pay bills. tuesday: turn 19 and start classes. weeee!

ROFL be sure to check out the last two entries in my guestbook before i delete them... hehehehe.

weeee dorkihood! due to circumstances, i was able to spend nearly the entire day on my ass in front of the computer, studying elvish. it's cool. i didn't absorb any new vocab, just the history and pronunciation of quenya, but tomorrow i'll start learning the actual language. it's really neat.

today was friday... on sunday, i'll be back home! i'm so excited. tomorrow's my "birthday" at home. even though my real one's tuesday, we're celebrating tomorrow so we can have cake and presents. it'll be great. and then... stanford! yay stanford! yay branner! yay california! yay room 228! wow, can i ever not wait.

i've officially become a dork. i spent the morning looking up resources on elvish linguistics. it's a fascinating language, because it was invented by one man, and yet still makes linguistic sense. it'd be way easier to study sindarin (common elvish tongue) or quenya (the "latin" of the elves) than, say, english, because they have absolutely no exceptions to rules, whereas for every rule in english there are twelve exceptions at the very least. i hope it won't be too confusing to study two different languages at once (japanese and quenya) because i found an online course in quenya which sounds really neat.

mikey, i think you've polluted my mind. i might want to become a sym sys major now.

yep, i'm a dork. (:

today saw LotR with Lauren... bad ass, the fourth time around. (remember: first: good, second: great, third: incredible, fourth: badass.) it was cool to catch up with her again, too.
when i got home we took the tree down. that's always sad. i don't like taking the tree down. because it's such an obvious sign of the assimilation of pagan customs into the christian faith when the christians decimated the native religions of europe. capitalist pigs.
then i went out to sushi with jamie and jamie and clayton and this girl, kendyll. i hope i spelled that right. anyway, she's clayton's friend. was a senior this year. and actually graduated in december, which is cool. i guess 3 kids did that... one to take care of her 9-month-old, and the other two to get their asses out of high school. (kendyll doesn't have a baby.) anyway, we got a shitload of sushi and it was REALLY REALLY good and also expensive. but that's ok. then we went to jamie's house (all but kendyll) and chilled. her dad made coffee. we saw mulholland. anyway it was super-super-cool to see wiccechick again, since it'd been since like fucking july or something and she's super cool. she's one of the few s-town peeps i truly miss. but i got to hear all about the pagan organation at auburn in which she's pretty active, and all the retreats and shit they have planned. i'm totally jealous. ah well. it was tons of fun.

i used to be a little boy

actually i didn't. but what i choose is indeed my choice, and, well, what's a boy supposed to do? a killer in me is a killer in you, my love... okay, enough.

"the world is a vampire, sent to drain, secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames." -smashing pumpkins.

oh, guess what movie I get to go see again with lauren... yay! LotR! yay!
mmm... frodo... mmm... legolas... mmm... aragorn... mmm...

Went on a Smashing Pumpkins downloading binge.. got shitloads from morpheus. what fun. i do think that sp is one of the greatest bands that our generation has known. too bad the bastards broke up. (and by "bastards" i mean "bastards and a bitch".) their music speaks for those of us who aren't *quite* generation x... and too old to be generation y...

isn't it funny the way they "name" generations, and attempt to clump people into these neat little boxes, even though people are born not in generations but in a continuum? maybe they should just call us "children of the 80's." but sp speaks more for "children of the late 70's to mid-80's". there we go.

poll: if the fifties ended when kennedy was assassinated, the sixties ended with woodstock, the seventies with the death of disco... what killed the 80's? what about the 90's? did the 90's end on september 11?

i'm tempted to say that the 90's started the day kurt cobain killed himself...? what is the defining moment of that decade?

despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage
despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage
and someone will say what is lost will never be saved
despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage

weeee! it's been snowing on and off all day. too bad it's 37 degrees outside and the snowflakes haven't got, well, a snowball's chance in hell of sticking. and by "snowball" i mean "snowflake." and by "hell" i of course mean "texas." not much of a stretch, after all.

went shopping for my birthday, and picked out some things. of course i'll be surprised when i open them... (:

i wish we'd get a foot of snow. a foot. how cool would that be? *sigh* i hate texas.

there's something chilly about Smashing Pumpkins songs. perhaps it's just the MCIS disc.. but the songs feel cold. in a good way. like hot chocolate and fires. and snow falling on the grass outside. and even sticking. inches of it. a good thing.

"tomorrow's just an excuse away
so i pull my collar up and face the cold
all alone"
-smashing pumpkins, thirty-three

sipping tea
let the rivers pass me by
these dusty tears
need no place to cry
i need no reason
for the first time in my life
i just need to be on my way

i don't want for anything that i don't have
all i want is waiting for me there
for me there
with my czarina
queen of all that all that I believe
still born seasons cradle our affairs

i light a candle
my lover to protect
in sack cloth and ashes
my lover will descend

i need no reason for the first time in my life
i just need to be on my way

i don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
for me there

hide behind your walls
I waste a day
if I want
all this and more are under me

I need no reason for the first time in my life
I just need to be on my way

I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
for me there
for me there

-smashing pumpkins, czarina

has billy corgan been reading my mind lately or something? because this song applies almost perfectly to me right now. even down to the tea part. (:

Considering unmarrying my blog from my webpage, since i've made so many changes to the blog template that i really don't feel like making to the template i publish the rest of my site on. especially since i don't have a template, just about twelve different html files. if i were really good i'd do it in frames, or even CSS, but i'm not really good. i think i will learn CSS this spring or summer. hmm. i think i might like this new look... perhaps, i'll come up with something nifty to go down the side... like a graphic or something... hmm. just something to ponder. that's right, i'm bored again, having finished all three Lord of the Rings books... and Fellowship and selections from Return again... trying to decide whether Frodo fell to the Ring in the end. It's too vague. But i suppose that's the way Tolkien intended it. what a genius.

"confusion is a definite direction." -splendid

it's baaaack...

and by "it" i mean "the cold from hell", and by "'s back", i mean "is making my throat hurt again." i'm sure i'll live through it, with my green chai and my honey-lemon cough drops... but i'm still pissed.

happy new year. 2002. a palindromic year. the first since 1991 and the last until 2112... which, barring some breakthrough in medicine, none of us will live to see. so, make this year a year of palindromes, and a year to remember, because you won't see another. think of how lucky you are to live in this age where we have 2 palindrome years within 11 years... and think of the millions born after 1881 who died before 1991 and never lived to see one. yeah, you're lucky. you also survived the turning of Y2K and the Millenium...

and a whole lot more this year. 2001 will be remembered for "september 11", that tragic day whose events can only be referred to by the date they occured on not what transpired, because no one in the news media came up with a catchphrase for them soon enough. maybe it's because "new york" is too broad - tons of shit goes down in new york. not that much shit goes down in oklahoma city, or in waco, or at columbine high school. so we use the date.

what else happened in 2001? I started the year by knowing that I was going to Stanford. I turned 18. i made the Texas All-State Band. I went to my senior prom with a guy who I thought to be the love of my life. In fact I spent a good portion of 2001 on that one. Even rang in the old new year with him. Kind of seems like a waste of time in retrospect. someone once told me that if it didn't feel like you were wasting time when you were doing it, then it's not wasted time. wise words. anyway. 2001 brought my high school graduation... the pantyhose rebellion, "why can't you just accept things the way they are for once, kat?" "when was the last time that did any good?" who's at stanford and who's at baylor? that's right. a cruise... to the carribbean, not to Bora Bora... oh, that boring job. hideously boring job. found a friend to keep me occupied, however, during those long hours... that was fun. then three planes hit world landmarks, i flew the next week out to california, and my life started anew. new friends, roommates, classes, books, homework, midterms, reading... mike... i remember talking to JP after my first date with mike and recounting the minutes and asking him if he thought i'd score a second date... and look at me now. (: funny how that works. anyway, i say goodbye to 2001 with a wonderful family, amazing friends, an incredible """boyfriend""", and a 3.57. i win.

may the new year smile upon us all and bring us as many joys as the old.

"yeah, life has a funny funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's all right and everything's going great... life has a funny funny way of helping you out." -alanis morissette