christ, i need a vacation. i'm already burned out, and it's merely monday. lots of stress in my life right now. must... blog... must...
aaaargh. too many decisions to make in too little time. soco app is due friday, i don't have time to do it. aaaargh. i have a profro coming on friday too, which should be fun, but i'm going to the oakenfold thing that night, so i don't know how much time i'll have to hang out with the profro. hopefully she'll spend 2 nights, so we can bond one night. my me101 project is due on thursday, and i'm supposed to work on it tonight, but it's so goddamn far away (frosoco... gaaah) and i'm so goddamn stressed out and i have to do my japanese homework and read for ihum and get to bed at a reasonable hour so that i can convince myself to get out of bed when i wake up tomorrow rather than sleeping through 10:00 japanese and going to the 11 section like i did today, causing me to miss my appointment with my pwr teacher. why did i not write it on yellow stickie-notes? if it's not on a sticky-note, then it doesn't get done. christ. it used to be that if it wasn't in my palm it didn't get done, but i don't check my palm enough anymore. i have an ihum paper due on tuesday (just what i need) and i haven't a fucking clue what to write about. and i absolutely hate all the texts we've read so far with the *possible* exception of dante, but the paper has to be on 2 works, and --dear lord-- it has to be 6 to 7 pages. i can't fake 6 to 7 fucking pages in a night like i can 4 to 5.
i need to cry. i need a night off. i need to make decisions. i need to spend time with people, not with things. talking to becky for about 10 minutes last night was one of the most relieving things i've done in a long time, god i need to hang out with her more. she's a smart girl. ME101 is fun, but it's sucking the life out of me. after thursday or friday my life will be much better, or much worse, or much different, or still the same.
the breakdown is coming. i feel it on the horizon, welling up inside me. and i wish i could truly uncensor myself on this blog, but i just don't feel like i can. aaaargh. so much, so much. too much.
songs of the moment: athanaeum, "what i didn't know," oasis, "don't look back in anger," dido, "hunter"
for this crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now, and i don't know what to say to you but i'll smile anyhow. -dido, "hunter"