so i went to the doctor this morning. 9:30 appointment, got there at 9:45 (i've learned not to show up on time), finally got called around 10:45, and was out by 11. I hate it - I wait for more than an hour, and I get five minutes of face time (IF that) with the physician. oh, and also the physician's assistant nurse bitch decided to lecture me on how to take my birth control pills. because "they're not effective for a full 30 days." right. i read the patient information flyer in the packet, and i know how my reproductive system works, and according to both of those, if you start taking them at the right time in your cycle they're "effective" immediately (or, well, they will be by the time you should ovulate, because you won't, and if you're not ovulating, you don't need them). Sometimes I feel smarter than her - then i realize that she didn't go to med school, and probably only has a 2-year degree, and that i AM smarter than her. dumb bitch.

but anyway, the point of the visit was that i hate effexor and havent taken it for 5 days, and i tell the doctor this and she flings trial packets of lexapro at me. no no, you don't get it, i dont want to be on a fucking ssri. oh well. i took one today, and i feel pretty good, the withdrawal symptoms from the effexor are gone. i think i'm gonna wait a week before i take it again, and if i don't think i need it, then fuck it. i'd rather not be on antidepressants anyway, and according to the internet, anorgasmia (the worst thing in the world btw) is just as common a side effect in lexapro as in effexor. wonderful. i really think the answer to my problems would be found in a bottle of adderall or some other stimulant - not to abuse mind you, but to get me out of bed in the morning and keep me there. preferably something that wouldn't make me psychotic as ephedra is prone to doing.

blah, i say. blaaaaaaaah. i want to get out of this fucking state ASAP.

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