i feel as though over the past couple of weeks or months i've become an exceedingly negative person. i complain, i bitch, i moan and i whine. i'm probably bringing the people around me down and i feel shitty for doing that. it's not a personality trait, i don't think... i'm not constantly complaining when i'm at school (as far as i know... right?). the problem is that i'm in shitty circumstances - stuck at home for another 2 weeks without friends or a job to keep me sane - and it's bringing me down. i had a long talk with my mom tonight during which she basically told me that it would be "stupid" to go visit my friends in california just a week before i'll get out there ordinarily. okay, maybe it is too close to when i'll be going out there... BUT I WANTED TO GO SOONER AND YOU WOULDNT LET ME! IVE TRIED TO GO OUT THERE ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST!!! am i being unreasonable to get this upset and pissed off about this? is it not normal for me to be disappointed that it will be 16 days, 6 hours, and 49 minutes until i take off from d/fw airport when i'd previously thought i might have been getting out of here in more like 5 days? is it unreasonable for me to shed a few tears when i think about the fact that if jessie had come through for me last week I WOULD BE WITH TIM RIGHT NOW? oh god, i can't even think about that. it hurts too much.

okay, i'm done. think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts. sorry about the bitchfest, but i think kathy was right a few months ago when she said something about not REALLY being a negative person, just having to take it out on the blog.....

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