fast, fast post here... i'm in an internet cafe in sunriver, oregon, and i have to satisfy my blogging addiction. i've been out of communication for almost a week and i't sdriving me nuts. a whole summer with my family, preceded by 2 weeks with my extended family... my idea of a vacation.

i want to go back to sunnyvale. i miss all my friends there :(

i'm gone. i'm out. i'm out of communication, starting in a few minutes when i turn my computer off and ending somewhere in the first week of july when i get home from my road trip. it's going to be a long 2 weeks, and i do not envy myself for the amount of mail i'll have to sort through via webmail. meanwhile, you might be able to reach me on my cell, if it's on and i'm in an area that has service. if it's after 9pm or a weekend (in the time zone i'm in) then i'll be able to talk longer, too.

later, guys... see you on the flip side.

well, *bighugeasslongsigh*. it's my last night in sunnyvale. this is depressing; i don' t want to leave this place. everyone here kicks so much ass. and eric, i'm sorry.

today, tim and i took off and went driving. we just left without saying anything to anyone and were gone from 1:30 until 8:15. just drove north.

i stole my first traffic cone today. just opened the window and grabbed it. looks like every other traffic cone in the world but it has "GGB" printed on it (to prove that i stole it from the golden gate bridge). i'm going to leave it here in the house, in tim's room, until i get back at which point i will reclaim my prize.

i really, really wish we'd had tim's camera (it's broken now though) because what we saw today was absolutely gorgeous. the view from the vista point just after the bridge... overlooking the city, watching the fog roll in... the first glimpses of the pacific as we drove up the 1 in marin county. we got off the 101 where the 1 splits off from it in marin and drove up to muir beach. now there's a cool beach. it's way warmer than half moon bay, and also has better sand and some neat rocks. very secluded and calm though. we frolicked in the sand and in the tide pool and on the rocks and a bit in the water. water was the same temperature as at half moon bay though (cold).

there's a little overlook just up the 1 from muir beach, on a little street called "muir beach overlook." it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life, i think, or close to it.



except that picture was taken by some random guy who goes to cornell and it wasn't today... today was foggier and the ocean was green-greyer... and there were clouds on the horizon. beautiful clouds which ever so slightly obscured the land in the distance and made it seem as if it were another world.

i love california... i'm going to miss it...

i feel bad for not blogging recently, but i feel like there's nothing going on in my life that is bloggable and/or blogworthy. just bumming about the house. i want to go to the beach sometime this weekend (perhaps sunday?). Will's coming to visit tomorrow, that should be cool. and i leave here on monday for oregon and then seattle and then canada and then home. what a weird summer this will be.

i'm not sure if this guy has the answers to everything in life or if he's just smoking something. either way, it's an entertaining read...

evidently we have sprinklers. how cool. too bad they're doing more watering of the pavement than they are the grass. heh.

well, we're all moved in. this house is awesome. right now it's just me, tim and eric living here... trang is at home with her parents and meghan is... also somewhere with her parents, and so is harlen. it's nice though. michelle (harlen's girlfriend) came over and she and i cooked tofu and chicken stir fry for dinner, which actually turned out alright. not wonderful, but definitely edible, and hella cheaper than going out. we went to ranch 99, an asian grocery in cupertino, before dinner... that was really cool. i love asian grocery stores. we bought shitloads of tofu, a 25-lb bag of rice, and various other asian-style things. i have a feeling we're going to be eating with chopsticks more than with forks. not that that bothers me in any way. :)

i've discovered that just looking forward is the best idea right now. if i don't even think about the past and that i'm never going to live in branner again, it can't hurt me.

what a whacked night. i basically spent it running around visiting different people and doing different things. first was peter's party, which consisted of a rains apartment and lots of people i don't know. but it was strangely cool... he was the first blogger i've met in real life after talking to online, which is kind of cool. had a good time. then was the coho with joel, where we chilled. from there i just randomly wandered branner... so many people i never talk to, so little time. such weirdness.

the painful realization that tonight is all that is left. the odd, completely unexpected conversations with relative strangers that suck you in and leave you changed. the concept of branner as a sort of machine that takes in these rough ideas of people and spits out completely different concepts of humans. no longer will i be able to walk down the hall and talk to random people about random ideas. i truly have come to love these people i live with, each of the 168 other kids, in their own way.

what a long, strange trip it's been, branner... keep it real.

So I got an email from Jessie, the hiring coordinator for The Princeton Review yesterday about dinnertime.

Hi guys,
I did some hard core recruiting for teachers because we were supposed to have a contract go through which would require numerous teachers. Unfortunately, the contract fell through. So, I no longer need summer teachers. We will be having a training in August for those who would like to teach in the fall. If you would like to come to the August session/teach in the fall, please let me know. I'm so sorry :0(
Jessie

First of all, if my job was banking on a contract coming through, why the fuck was i not notified of this sooner? Why couldn't I have been told that there was a chance that i'd end up with the shaft earlier? Maybe before I'd paid for rent and deposit and food for a month in a house that I'll barely get to live in now? *sigh*

Anyway, after a panicked call to Mom, I've got my summer all figured out.

First: I'm not coming home this weekend. There's really no point. I even got my frequent flier miles reinstated.
Second: Come June 24, I'm heading up to Oregon for a family reunion and Grandparents' 50th anniversary.
Third: Sometime after that week (probably Sunday or such, like the 30th) my brother and I will pile in his car and drive up to Seattle, and up to Vancouver. Then we'll drive across Canada and down through the Midwest to Texas... arriving home sometime in the neighborhood of July 6th or 7th.
Fourth: I'll be home for the rest of July, all of August, and half of September.

I think i'm actually pretty excited about this. The summer will be the best of both worlds - living with my friends for awhile, then road tripping, then bumming around S-town. It'll work out.

right-o. just in case you guys thought i'd become less of a dork or something over the past year, here's evidence to the contrary.

so i'm listening to this sasha track, the 1st track on the 2nd cd of his global underground ibiza set... and there's a voice in the track that says, "one.... one... two... three... five... eight... thirteen... twentyone." which i instantly recognize as the fibonacci sequence. hmm, thinks me, what are the next few fibonacci numbers? so i think, ok, 34, 55, 89, oh, screw it, this would be infinitely easier with a computer program.

so i pull up my trusty old Turbo C++ compiler and bang this out (mind you, i certainly haven't programmed in over a year):

#include "iostream.h" /**ed. note, these were in brackets but i changed it so it wouldn't think i was trying to convince it that there is an iostream.h html tag**/

//kat is a loser and is
//creating a fibonacci sequencer
//for the sheer goddamn hell of it.

int main()
{
int loopvar;
char Repeat = 'y';
while(Repeat == 'y')
{
cout << "How many fibonacci numbers would you like to compute? ";
cin >> loopvar;
long a[100];
a[0] = 1;
a[1] = 1;
cout << a[0] << endl << a[1] << endl;
for(int LCV=2; LCV < loopvar; LCV++)
{
a[LCV] = a[LCV-2] + a[LCV-1];
cout << a[LCV] << endl;
}
cout << endl << "Do again? (y/n) ";
cin >> Repeat;
}
return 0;
}

AND IT COMPILES! and it runs! and it likes me! and it tells me fibonacci numbers! i rule!!

*sigh* or maybe i'm just a dork.

for the sake of minimizing the accessories i have going on here, the katcam will be going offline now. sorry...

i just don't want it to end

and now for something a little closer in scope:

goals for the summer.

don't forget much japanese

kick my caffeine habit

make money

practice up on clarinet enough to join wind ensemble come fall

go to the moby concert in august.

survive on my own.

okay, well my template doesn't seem to want to keep my list of things to do before i die around, so i suppose i'll just turn it into a post instead of a sidebar.

to do before i die.

go to ibiza

visit florence

spend >3 months in japan

become fluent in japanese

sell a piece of my own artwork for more than $500

work at ideo

see the alhambra

go to tibet

experience zero gravity

aran-kun wa 'kyatto-san ga suki' to omotteru ka doo ka wakaranai da kedo, watashi wa soo to omotteru. watashi wa aran-kun ga daisuki naa. aran-kun wa watashi ga suki to, totemo ureshiku naru.

nihongo no "buraagu" o hajimeroo to omotteru. totemo tanoshisoo da.

here's my (much less entertaining) summer outlook, a la jamie...

june 9: move stuff to house in sunnyvale, ca
june 12: move from campus to house (goodbye to branner *sniff*)
june 13-18: home, southlake
june 19-23: sunnyvale
june 24-28: family reunion, sun river, oregon
june 29: sunnyvale
sept 17: paa training, back on campus

and that's how it'll go. it'll go... and that's all that matters.

I shouldn't find this funny, but I do.

Mom (3:54:22 PM): hi, how are the papers going?

Auto response from Aladariel (3:54:22 PM): turning in my ihum paper and then selling my ihum books back to the people who anally raped me for them. bureaucratic motherfuckers. at least i'm not wearing shoes.

Mom (3:55:17 PM): charming away message.

i should be mortified. but instead i can't stop laughing. bureaucratic motherfuckers. hahahahahaha. *sigh* i crack me up.

got up a bit too late this morning. i intended to take three 1.5-hr naps last night, but that of course did not work out and i ended up sleeping between 3 and 10, with one brief 10-minute phase in there in which i attempted to get up and work but really ended up just reorganizing the playlist to which i was sleeping (and eliminating the alien ant farm i had in there in order to get me up. ha. it in actuality did nothing but piss me off.)

revised my paper on blogging... the most recent version is posted here. feel free to read it and leave me comments. it's due at 5pm tonight.

next up is writing my works cited page for that one, and then revising my ihum paper, which is due at 6:30. it would be ideal if i could finish both of these in the next 2.5 hours and go windsurfing, but the odds of that happening are between 0 and .001. *sigh* guess i'll have to wait until next spring to windsurf... oh well.

writing papers sucks. i'm just glad that, within 6 hours, it will all be over with. my last ihum and pwr papers will be turned in. and i'll be "as free as a bird," according to lynrd skynrd.

i've come up with a new word for how i feel today. "procrastinatory." it rolls off the tongue well. i'm feeling procrastinatory... how about you?

(yeah, that would mean "i have 4-5 pages to write and 10 to revise before 5pm tomorrow... i've got time")

there is nothing sexier than a man with a nice body wearing a wifebeater.

ok, so maybe there is, but there are not *many* things sexier than that.

ahh, the end is so near i can smell it. or perhaps that's just the leftover pizza that my roommate threw away and has not taken out yet. either way, just got back from my LAAAAST Ihum section EVER and am getting ready to go to my LAST PWR class ever. this is exciting.

i started packing last night. that's a weird feeling. i mean, i know it's a little early to get shit packed, but i'm hoping to start moving things into the house this weekend (i.e. when allen and joe get their uhaul) so i guess i have an excuse. the hardest part is taking things off the walls. i've already taken down my collection of random-ass concert tickets and other things that were between my shelves and heather's, but all the pictures i've cut out from magazines and everything are going to be harder to take down... they'll rip, and then i'll have to decide whether to throw them away or try to salvage them... and some of them are really cool. i'm excited about roth... it's going to be a sweet room. we'll get it decorated up waaay better than the girls who have it this year... and hopefully the fire escape will be frequented by cute and/or nice boys who want to rescue us from the sheer agony of estrogen overdose.

i need some lemonade.

just two things tonight. one: knowing that actions you took directly helped save someone's life is an incredible feeling. two: i love you, lyndsie. knowing you're okay is more than enough for me... but thank you for the flowers and smelly stuff... (:

"Again I Go Unnoticed"
by dashboard confessional

So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feeel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of your eye
wont be the only way you'll look at me then.

(ok, so the overall message of the song isn't what i'm feeling right now but some lines just hit home... yeah.)

nestacos are funny. and their creator is an attention whore. or maybe just a whore in general. here. have a link. are you happy now, you sick, depraved link-slut? huh?

and you didn't even have to sleep with me to get it.

it's time to wax philosophical on the end of the year. i don't know if this blog will be allowed to stay up after tonight, so those of you priveledged enough to read it, enjoy it while it lasts. [ed note: it will remain. yay.]

so i spent the evening up on the penthouse. it was fun. it was good. they had a keg, i enjoyed the keg. i even did a keg stand, which was kinda cool. drinking beer while upside down is a challenge. anyway, i basically spent the entire evening trying to get to allen, which i never did. so i finally gave up and decided to just go talk to joe. joe is allen's best friend, and roommate next year, so hopefully he would have some insight into the whole situation. joe said that he'd talked to allen about "just this" (he didn't explicitly say that it was about me, but it seemed to be implicit) and that allen didn't want to try to start a relationship at the very end of the year. oh, god. wrong thing to say. that of course got me off on the whole "i can't believe it's the end of the year" tangent... i'm getting old... i'm growing up... my freshman year is OVER and i haven't had any fucking dormcest... it's all gone by WAAAAAY too fast. I really cannot handle it. this summer is going to be tight but i think that all in all i'm just looking forward to next year. jesus, next year. roth 209... that's going to be incredible. and being next to the french house... joe seemed to be saying that he and allen would come around a lot. that's good. i really enjoy those two guys... joe's a great friend, and allen... well, yeah. so basically what i caught from the conversation was that allen doesn't want a hookup at the end of the year, he wants a relationship at the beginning of the year. i definitely respect that... but i'm too impatient. *sigh* stupid world. stupid summer. why do we have to have summer?? blah.

anyway, i'd say it wasn't a bad evening. i'm glad i stayed in instead of succumbing to christina's peer pressure to go out to lambda nu. i didn't get any tonight, but if i'd gone out i would have spent the entire night, nay, the entire summer wondering what could have happened if i'd stayed in. and now i know. it's a "wait til fall" situation. which really is right, i guess... i just need to learn how to deal with the passage of time... it's all just too much. i wish i could just fast forward over this summer... it's going to be excruciating. too long. it'll be fun, yes, living with all my buddies, highly enjoyable, trust me. but i want it to be over now. i have no patience.

i can't help but wonder if i should spend this summer brushing up on my clarinet again and audition for the wind ensemble in the fall. i really should. i miss playing... it makes me sad that i never have a chance to do it anymore. yeah, i really should. apologies in advance to my housemates. (: