9.26.2003

no one has ever made me as happy as you do. seriously. that one night in late june when i got home from europe and hit rock bottom as far as my depression goes was the first night we ever talked on the phone. i felt as though my life was over before you called; when we hung up 45 minutes later, i realized that it wasn't, and i even had a smile on my face. even then i think i sensed something - the fact that the conversation just flowed so well over that 45 minutes, the fact that you were so good at listening to me and talking to me about my problems when we barely even knew each other just seemed too good to be true. the way you weren't scared off this july when my relationship with my family was deteriorating and my depression was really coming to a head. the fact that you'd drive for hours just to hang out with me. the way that no matter how low i felt, just fifteen minutes on the phone with you put a smile on my face. the way you just want to be able to help me out when i need it. the way i can gaze into your eyes for hours on end and i feel like i'm gazing into your soul. there have been a couple times in my life when i thought that i was truly in love with someone. each time, i've been proven wrong, or discovered that it wasn't love. with my last relationship i was just trying to force something that wasn't there. with the one before that, it was just not meant to be. the time before, there was a connection when we were not together, but the time we spent together was awkward and forced. but with you, there is this deep connection that i just cannot describe, something i've never experienced before. maybe i really never have been in love before. but i'm pretty damn sure that i am now.

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