man, art is going to be scary. what's more, i have an idea for my first project, but it banks on me being able to go to the beach. i would have gone this weekend but i got sick yesterday :( so hopefully i can go on wednesday. which doesn't leave me much time to finish the project... hm. i guess i'll have to postpone that project until next week, and finish a different one for thursday. this art class is so insane - we have a list of 20 projects, of which we have to finish 15 before the quarter is done. which means we're basically turning in one every class. yikes. i should like, start 3 or 4 of them this week, have one done thursday, one tuesday, etc. argh, i'm gonna have to get to the art store, like, today. which sucks because i have a class from 2:15 to 3:05, and before that i have to eat lunch and watch my 106a lecture, and then at 6:30 i have a pres scholars gig to go to, which says it's a "dessert reception" which means fuck, i'll have to eat dinner before then. oh, and i'm expected to look nice for it too. yeesh. though a trip to university art shouldn't take more than an hour, so if i can convince tim to take me right after my japanese class i should be good to go. man.

i'm so glad i'm not taking more classes - i'd be swamped.

i drain the color from the sky and turn blue without you

first day of classes, dude. i think it'll be livable. japanese was slightly frightening, since the teacher talked really fast, but i think i'll readapt to the language. cs106a will be... easy. and i haven't had art yet. i shopped 106x but it sounds to me like it's going to be way too intense. i think that wiht those 13 units, i'll be plenty busy, but have enough free time to join the wind ensemble, be rcc (which i'm still crossing my fingers on) and do my PAAly duties.

and i'm on AIM boycott. email me or call me (you know the digits, or you should) - it's so much more fulfilling.

life is good.

someone kick my ass if i get lazy and don't sign up for an audition

dude, i'm here. i'm in roth, and it's home. after house meeting tonight i'm suddenly way more excited about living in roth. it turns out that the RCC position is open - they have an rcc in every row house (that's resident computer coordinator, for you non-stanford acronym-challenged types - the one to go to if you're having computer problems) but for some reason roth didn't get one. man.... i would LOVE that job. $600 a quarter. for doing... nothing. (: man.

it's so wonderful to finally be back.

home.

...and i'll see you on the other side. my flight takes off in 8 hours almost exactly. 14 until i'm there. this summer has finally come to a close...

i just decided to change the banner back to the bubbles. man, i loved those bubbles.

well. friday is just about over... only 2 more days, and 3 nights. that's a really weird thing to think about.

again. apologies for not blogging more often. i hope my blog isn't dying... i think i'll have more to blog about when i get back. i mean, life will continue. today i painted my sister's vanity area and packed some stuff.

i dug out the clarinet and played. that was kinda cool actually. i can still play a lot of stuff that i haven't played since graduation... that was a cool feeling. i definitely want to try out for the wind ensemble... i miss music.

yeah.

i wish i could just stay in bed tomorrow.

hm, haven't blogged in awhile. not sure why, maybe just 'cause nothing has happened here. started packing. wee. texas still sucks. 9 more days though. i can make it...

Fields of fire that passed the train
The sky is victorious but here comes the rain
Friday is taking me home again,
And I've nothing but you on my mind.

Grass is greener without the pain,
I think that I'm changing but I'm just the same
My sun is a ascending again
And I've nothing but you on my mind

Sometimes I feel like I'm glad to be free,
Sometimes I still want your arms around me
Sometimes I'm glad to have left you behind,
The Crazy English Summer has put you back on my mind.

Life's a riot a lover a friend,
Pity the day that it has to end
Friday come speed me home again,
I've nothing but you on my Mind.

Sometimes I feel like i'm fine on my own,
Fifty Thousand miles from home.
Sometimes I'm weak and the past is my guide,
Summer returns and puts you back on my mind

-faithless, "crazy english summer"

new to my music library in the past day or two: groove armada. hooverphonic. everything but the girl. massive attack. faithless. ambient alternative slash trip hop slash chillout slash downtempo kicks ass. highlights: faithless, crazy english summer and don't leave, massive attack, angel. very, very good stuff.

hm, this new track just gave me a kickass idea for a new theme. its the ambient mix of "beautiful strange" on the ministry of sound chillout 2002... beautiful\strange... i think it's me. woohoo.

awww, fuck. i missed my bloggiversary. it was yesterday. yay.

new cool song: days go by [acoustic] by dirty vegas. i never would have guessed that such a trancey, electronically-created song could have an acoustic version. but it's totally good. i don't know if i dare say it's better than the original, it's definitely different, and hard to compare. but it rules.

i feel as though over the past couple of weeks or months i've become an exceedingly negative person. i complain, i bitch, i moan and i whine. i'm probably bringing the people around me down and i feel shitty for doing that. it's not a personality trait, i don't think... i'm not constantly complaining when i'm at school (as far as i know... right?). the problem is that i'm in shitty circumstances - stuck at home for another 2 weeks without friends or a job to keep me sane - and it's bringing me down. i had a long talk with my mom tonight during which she basically told me that it would be "stupid" to go visit my friends in california just a week before i'll get out there ordinarily. okay, maybe it is too close to when i'll be going out there... BUT I WANTED TO GO SOONER AND YOU WOULDNT LET ME! IVE TRIED TO GO OUT THERE ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST!!! am i being unreasonable to get this upset and pissed off about this? is it not normal for me to be disappointed that it will be 16 days, 6 hours, and 49 minutes until i take off from d/fw airport when i'd previously thought i might have been getting out of here in more like 5 days? is it unreasonable for me to shed a few tears when i think about the fact that if jessie had come through for me last week I WOULD BE WITH TIM RIGHT NOW? oh god, i can't even think about that. it hurts too much.

okay, i'm done. think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts. sorry about the bitchfest, but i think kathy was right a few months ago when she said something about not REALLY being a negative person, just having to take it out on the blog.....

big jon, the font of wisdom, on homoeroticism:

me: i think my boyfriend and his roommate have homoerotic tendencies
me: what should i do?
biggie: hmm... get a big tub of vaseline and a close girlfriend and show them how they make you feel?
me: hmmm
me: maybe
biggie: creamed corn would work instead?
me: it might
biggie: or baby oil?
me: hmmm
me: the edibility of the creamed corm lends it a certain intrigue
biggie: amen

last night i had a really whacked dream. i went to some other school, like a midwestern state university or something. anyway the entire campus seemd to be this one building. if you wanted to get to the half that i was supposed to be on you had to go down a hall and then push a button and this really wide, rickety staircase would fold down out of the ceiling and you had to climb up it. then i was in a classroom and a teacher showed us a closet and we thought it was the coolest closet in the world, then he opened the back of the closet and there was this whole huge room type thing that was like an attic with unfinished walls and a bare wood floor but it had computers in it… and the walls and floor looked like they’d been finger painted by 6th graders.. i think at that point i turned into a 6th grader. and i looked out the window to see how the football game was going. it was tied at 69 to 69 but then the other team scored a touchdown. i think they were playing washington state. but the window in the room overlooked a huuuuge stadium with a massive crowd that could really only be found at a packers game or the olympics… and then when we walked back out of the long narrow attic like room the door that went into the closet turned out to just go outside, like a normal building. do you ever wonder when you wake up why you don’t question the things in your dreams more often? like why the hell wasn’t i all, hey, i don’t go to wisconsin or whatever, i go to fuckin’ stanford. or why didn’t i question the fact that the doors that once went into a closet suddenly opened up into the outside. why didn’t i question the fact that the WSU football team actually managed to score 76 points in a game (ha). then i wonder whether my whole entire goddamn life isn’t a dream, and how would i know, ‘cause i don’t have freaky doors or magic staircases. kinda makes you think, doesn’t it. but then, if life were a dream… it would have to be *someone*’s dream… and though i am the only person whose consciousness i experience, i don’t doubt that other people have consciousness too, and the idea that life is but a dream really negates the existence of other people. it’s a very selfish perspective. unless it’s some sort of consensual hallucination, but that conjures up the idea of the matrix which, you know, is entirely plausible but i’d prefer just not to think about right now. every time i have déjà vu, though, i subconsciously scan for changes in the matrix… like doors that previously went to closets suddenly opening into the wisconsin october. maybe it’s only in our dreams that we can tell that the matrix even exists. and maybe what we think is a dream is really not, like the agents and the freaky ass bug thing they stick in his belly button. and the way they like, gooed his mouth shut. all very nightmarish, but really happened. the only thing that keeps me convinced that my dreams don’t really happen is the fact that they usually occur in places far away from where i am… either that or irreversible things happen that have not occurred when i wake up, like that one time that my dad died in my dream. he’s not really dead; that dream can’t have been reality. and then i just kind of accept the fact that maybe i am just a player in someone else’s dream; maybe i’m really stuck in a pool of goo with plugs all up and down my spine; maybe i really just don’t exist... and then i usually end up going to bed.

...so checkit, new look. can't quite decide what i think. it's.... different. what do the masses think?

who wants to go see no doubt and garbage with jamie and i on 11.14.02 in san jose???

time schedule goodness! it's finally out! yay. anyway... here's my schedule! yay!

CS106A lecture: 9am MWF (eeeeeugh), section: 1:15 W
Art 60: 1:15-3:05 TTh
Japanese17B: 11am MTWThF
Wind Ensemble rehearsal: 4:15-6:05 TTh

for the record: i hate jessie wirkus. she sucks.

hey dj
tonight i'm seeing stars (repeat)
once again i found myself with my friends
dancing the night away it's like the party never ends
then again, we don't want it to stop 'cause
tonight's the night it's going sweat box
laser beams flashing lights
wild cards men from mars pressed in
stars and stripes eclectic electric
ladies of the evening drinkin booze and minglin
mashing to the music i could do anything
freaky deaky stars ??? and pink butterflies
it's nice so nice i walk into a club and i found paradise
i'm seeing stars i can't believe my eyes
i'm seeing stars
oh my starry eyed surprise sundown to sunrise
dance all night, we gonna dance all night dance all night
to this dj sugar dance all night to this dj
oh my starry eyed surprise sundown to sunrise
dance all night, we gonna dance all night dance all night
to this dj sugar dance all night to this dj
oh sugar dance all night to this dj

what the FUCK does oakie think he's doing with this new album? this sounds like a crazy town song. wait.... it IS a crazy town song. i really can't decide what the hell i think about this single... it's catchy. i might like it MORE if it weren't by oakenfold... it's like he's trying waaaay too hard to be mainstream. he's alienating the fans he used to have in the hardcore electronic music scene. it's such a shame.