recently i've noticed i check my blog way more often than i post to it. it's like i expect someone else to be doing it for me. ha. nope. i'm the only one who can do it... anyway, it's been a crazy few days... i went to an open call on wednesday and landed a role in a local fashion show which is tonight and i am kind of like, what? what's going on? i guess it'll all make sense after tonight, 'cause it's like, my chance to find out if this is something i really wanna do, or if it's not. i'm pretty much convinced that it is... what the fuck else am i going to be doing for the months between now and when i go back to school anyway? honestly i am just so fucking bored in my job... i feel like my soul is being sucked from me. it has nothing to do with who i am, who i want to be, or what i want to do with my life... it's just what puts the house over my head and the food in my stomach. i'd go crazy if i hadn't discovered fashion. maybe it's just a distraction from what's really important, but what IS really important? honestly? right now at this point in my life what is important is that i'm having fun, and that i'm safe while i'm doing it.

maybe i really am a capricorn after all. i'm a dreamer, but when i do dream, i dream fucking huge. you don't have to have absolute direction as to what you want to do with every single day you have left on this planet... you just have to focus on the things that are making you happy, and pursue them. life, liberty, and the pursuit of fuckin' happiness!

or something. i don't really even know anymore.