i had an interesting experience on new years eve which put a lot of things in perspective. for one, who i am, and who i want to be, is for me to decide, and only me. in the big picture it is not a big deal if i disappoint my parents - the sun will come up the next morning. if i don't have a concrete idea of where i want to be in ten years, there is nothing wrong with that. all i know is that for now, i am taking the first step off into a new world, and i feel in my gut that it's the right decision. i also decided that i haven't got a reason to be depressed anymore, and that i need to just pull my head out of my ass and stop it. and, i think i might want to work in civil service. doing something for a non-profit that's working for something i really feel is worthwhile. i remember being really touched by the newspaper spread on this ad campaign that actresses were doing - it's animated, and it's public service messages about things people need to know about. depression, anorexia, bulimia, i think they're making one about self-injury - serious emotional and mental health issues that are just not talked about enough in society. i really was interested by that campaign (i still have yet to see the ads on tv; i watch far too little of it for that to happen) and wished that i could help - i want to be one of the animators, or perhaps one of the writers. i want to make public service announcements that people can relate to. i want to help tell the people in the world that are hurting that it's okay to cry, and that there is help for them when they are ready for it.