There's been stuff going on that I haven't been talking about in this blog, just because of the sheer lack of anonymity that it provides and the potential embarassment that could result. This isn't a permanent condition; it's a process. That and a terse, obliquely-worded e-mail from my mom regarding some information found on my myspace profile. Evidently, it isn't okay to share the innermost thoughts of your mind with the world via the internet. Except me, I think that's exactly what the internet is for.

There was an interesting article in this past month's Discover magazine on the paradox that is our neverending demand for personal privacy at the governmental level and our seemingly universal desire to share the most mundane experiences of our lives with the world at large. The author, Douglas Rushkoff, argues that there are larger forces at work. The phrase "incipient group meta-being" from his article sticks in my mind, even though I read it several days ago and haven't gone back to it. Anyway, it's an interesting read, and I think he's onto something.

In my newfound freedom from academic life, I spent today on entirely cerebral pursuits. I went down to the U bookstore and picked up two books: the first, a seemingly thick tome containing the abbreviated biographies of the women who have won Nobel prizes in science. As a woman who aspires to the sciences, I figure it's essential reading to find out what my predecessors, my fore-mothers, have accomplished. There are some fascinating stories, and some over-reaching themes. "She was different. She seemed more like a boy than a girl at times." I'm not approaching that book in a linear fashion, I'm more flipping to a story and reading about a particular woman who changed the world. So far I've read about Irene Curie, Barbara McClintock, and Christiane Nusslein-Volhard. As I read more, these women become my heros. I will need to update my myspace profile accordingly.

The other book I picked up is a bit more radical... it's called Genderqueer, and it's basically about postgender theory. I wholeheartedly subscribe to this theory, and you'll probably be reading more about this as the ideas ferment in my brain. The overarching theme is that gender is an outdated concept, created to subjugate one sex and exalt the other, and that it is at its heart nothing more than an illusion, a construct to allow other people to be able to fit us into one category or the other. A truly enlightened person sees no gender, while still acknowledging that yes, we are a sexually reproducing species and any new life requires both egg and sperm, and while the vast majority of people have "plumbing" to fit into one of two categories, the reality of the fact is much more complex.

Anyway, that's just a random dump of the information floating around in my cerebral cortex today. And by publishing it to this blog, I give it to you, my friends, family, and random people who don't know me. These are my thoughts, and they are now projected into the digital realm, which may well outlive me.

So now there's just one question left: what is my place in all this, what will my biography in a future version of that book say, and what will my Nobel prize be for? (Hi, my name is megalomaniac.)

when smart people do stupid, stupid things

have you ever done something so incredibly stupid, i mean unbelievably, insanely beyond belief retarded, and then watched how the events unfolded to an irrevocable end replay themselves over and over in your head?

browsing craigslist -> "ooh, inline skates. fun." -> purchasing said skates -> "i'll use them as transportation!" -> "i'll use them to get to the lab!"

this train of thought led to putting most sensitive, delicate, important piece of expensive machinery i own in my bag, strapping it to my back, and lacing up the brand-new skates. off i start, down the sidewalk.

um, i don't know how to *stop*. oops. the little foot-brake doesn't seem to do shit. fuck! fuck fuck! i'll go out into the street, get a little sideways action, maybe then i can stop. no, then i go careening out into the street, arms and legs akimbo, only to land on my ass - surprisingly not-hard.

duh. that's 'cause my computer cushioned the blow.

D'OH

in retrospect, it all seems so unbelievably clear how bad an idea that was, and i suppose it could have been much, much worse. it's just a little out of kilter now - one corner is pretty dinged in - the corner with the power plug. at least the screen isn't broken, and the dvd drive appears to work, and the DVD that was inside didn't shatter, sending little plastic knives into the innards of the laptop. but now, the power cord won't stay in the port - it'll still *plug* in, but it pushes itself back out because of the odd new angle of the case.

jesus fucking christ. can you believe that i could possibly be THAT STUPID? (maybe if I bang on it with my head it'll fix itself.)

houston knows the score

well, now august is in full swing, and all i can think is "fuck! where did the time go?" summer quarter ends next week. woohoo! bout damn time i'm done with this fucking organic chemistry bullshit. a plethora of swirling emotions. i just noticed tonight, as i was packing my bag to come out to the chai lounge to get me some internets, that i am exceedingly OCD about the things i bring with me when i leave the house. i mean, this must be in that pocket, that right there, everything in the perfect spot. i'm incurable. i'm also really set in my morning routine. alarm goes off, hit the snooze button once or twice (but not more than that), get up, put on the kettle and scoop the coffee into the french press. stare at the wall until the kettle whistles. make the coffee. stick the bagel into the toaster. when it pops, grease the bagel. Consume both bagel and coffee, with soy milk. get in the shower. get out. dress. pack bag, leave house. tomorrow, this routine will be disrupted.

i'm doing a treadmill test tomorrow, for the seminar i'm taking this month. the leader of the seminar tells me to prepare to feel like an astronaut. i'm all about that. i'm hoping for electrodes and a breathing machine... something tells me i'm in for an experience. except evidently you can't have breakfast or coffee before a treadmill test (don't wanna think about why) so i have no idea how i'm going to get to and stay awake in o-chem before... bleh. oh well. life goes on!

the crew compartment's breaking up.....