time to vote.

exhibit (a):

exhibit (b):

so which should i do with my hair?

week 9 already. what?

and a tickle in the back of my throat reminds me of the chorus of hacking coughs that accompanied the lecture this morning in bio 355. suzie gave me some "airborne" which is supposed to be one of those supplements that helps ward off colds. i'm hoping it does its job, because week 9 of the quarter is a shitty-ass time to get sick.

i'm getting really fucking sick of my classes this quarter, too. bio 220 ceased to be interesting and started being just boring when we switched from animals to plants. oooh, plants photosynthesize. no fucking way. i dunno. i'm not a plant person. o-chem is still marginally interesting, which will cease next quarter because the guy who barely speaks english and had a stroke last year is my new professor. he's easy, but you don't learn, is what i've heard. and today we had our last real lecture in bio 355 - wednesday is a quiz, and next monday and wednesday are the expo for our projects. it'll be nice to have that class totally out of the way, though i think i blew my chance for a 4.0 with that last quiz and discussion paper. but then again everyone did bad on those and so maybe i was still ahead of the curve. who knows.

ochem test and bio quiz on wednesday. bio presentation next wednesday. two finals two thursdays from now, and it's all over.

at least we're studying stereochem in ochem right now. that's one of those things that either you get it or you don't, and i get it. i can rotate 3-dimensional objects in my brain and distinguish between stereoisomers pretty damn easily. i'm hoping this helps me dominate the next test like i did the last.

aside from school, my project for this week is to paint my new room in my new house. and then move in. and hopefully my new housemates were not hiding psychopathologicalities. i just made that word up.

i saw bill gates last night at bis on main in bellevue. paul allen was with him too, as were 3 other unidentified but undoubtably stinking rich dudes. my grandma sure does know how to pick a good restaurant.

kill harry

"He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high all day."

kevin federline is the most pathetic excuse for a famous person ever. at least paris hilton looks cute (/slutty) on camera and has a bunch of money. K-fed is just a stupid lazy mooch who doesn't shower. Eugh.

craigslist is down. this is annoying.

so i started watching grey's anatomy tonight, at the suggestion of several of my friends in bio... fuck me, this show is awesome. it almost makes me want to go to med school though... actually a lot of things have been making me want to go to med school recently. i know, how fucking weird is that. i have NEVER wanted to be a doctor, ever. but the last year or so it's been one of those recurring random ideas. i don't know if i can do it, if i'm capable of it, but i think that i could give it a shot, right?

and i know it's nothing like it seems on tv. if it were like it is on tv i'm not sure if i would want to do it. man, that show makes seattle seem like a fucked-up town. and what the fuck is wiht having the hospital right at the base of the space needle? and the aerial shots "look, we're in seattle! hey guys, this show is set in seattle! did you notice the space needle there? this is seattle!" bah. there's no hospital in seattle center.

evidently the northwest has dire need for pediatric neurologists.

OK, so I guess yesterday wasn't a complete waste. between a few well-timed myspace messages to and from semi-random people (I guess everyone else gets lonely too) and some much-needed chocolate from brian, i went to bed a lot happier than i started out.

I still haven't got my fucking paper review that's due tomorrow done... gah, this thing is kicking my ass. I keep writing and writing and then I realize that I'm only half done and it is 550 words and the word limit is 500 and I don't know how to cut it down! fuck! i am tempted to just leave it until tomorrow afternoon, but i know that's a bad idea since i only have an hour to take care of stuff before it's due. fuck. fuck fuck. i haven't had this much trouble with one of these reviews yet, but this one is by far the most info-dense paper we've had to read (no one else i've talked to even read the paper, much less *understood* the damn thing) and we're supposed to summarize and critique in 500 words or less. Fuck.

In other news, I'm going to look at an apartment/meet a possible roommate on saturday. I would rather find my own place, but I figure it's worth a shot to see if we get along, since $400 is cheaper than $535 and my parents can only give me $750 a month, total, and i have bills and bills and i have to eat, you know, small stuff. blegh, why is life so stressful right now??

today is the worst day of the year. it's like a day for everyone to say, ha ha, kat, you can't manage to keep a man happy, instead they all fall in love with your prettier friends and ditch you, leaving you with nobody when you need somebody. i started crying on the way home from the bus. valentines day is the stupidest, shittiest holiday in the world and i hate it.

and now, just in case this might be pertinent to anyone reading this: 10 reasons why you should never accept a diamond from anybody.

blaaaaah.

i've gotten up earlier both days this weekend than i did at all last week. saturday i had a volunteer orientation at the seattle aquarium, which was pretty cool. it's a bit of a time commitment but it should be fun... talking to kids about sea urchins and stuff. plus once you've put in 100 hours then you can move into the more behind-the-scenes stuff like animal husbandry or diving (if you're certified, which i'm not, but maybe someday!) so i'm pretty stoked about that

and then today i hit the slopes like a madwoman. i took the huski bus to stevens pass, which i'd never been to before, but it was pretty sweet. stevens is not a beginners mountain, and there's exactly 1 green run on the whole thing, but i didn't even start on the green, i started on the blues and was kicking some butt the whole time! go me. i was linking turns and going onto my toe edge even on the steepest parts, bombing down the slopes. it was rad. also i got to go in the singles line, which made lifts way faster. and also since it isn't a beginners mountain, there were very few snowboarders sitting on their butts on the slopes clogging it up for the rest of us. in fact parts of it were quite empty and the snow was beautiful and the weather was awesome but i am sunburned.

i'm thinking about going blonde again. i'm getting kind of sick of the redhead thing.

on another note, trying to find an apartment fucking sucks. i waited outside this one place for 20 minutes today waiting for the manager to show... only to find out that they didn't have keys to the unit they wanted to show. also, the place was way the fuck out there, by magnuson park, not in walking distance of anything to speak of. *shrug* a bunch of new places have come onto craigslist in the past few days though, so hopefully i'll be able to find a box or maybe even an apartment with a bedroom that i can call home.

living on my own should be interesting.

let's just say i've learned a lot recently about who my real friends are and who i can trust.

i am officially addicted to battlestar galactica. it is the most awesome show ever.

you'll be loved, you'll be loved
like you never have known
and the memories of me
will seem more like bad dreams
just a series of blurs
like i never occurred
someday you will be loved

death cab for cutie, "someday you will be loved", plans

i'm tired and i'm lonely. being alone is hard on me, it's never been my strong suit. at least i have frida, and for the moment i have suzie and zoe, but at the end of the day, i'm the only one in my bed and that's tough for me to deal with. i'm having a hard time telling if i'm depressed or not, too. i know i was last week and the week before that, but now that the sun's out things are a little better. though things are at the same time not better at all.

i know that time will help, but right now i just really wish i had someone to hold me.

my head is full of tons of thoughts that just can't seem to come unclogged. i guess it's to be expected. it also dawned on me that if you look back on the archives of this blog, the times you'll see the most entries, and certainly the most real content, are while i'm not currently in a relationship. i think that i start self-censoring at some point. but anyway, i don't need to censor myself now.

or maybe i do. there's still so much that i haven't sorted out for myself, so much that i don't want to talk or think about for awhile. i've wrapped my brain around some very difficult concepts the past few days, concepts that i've been denying for awhile. being in a relationship does change you in some ways, makes you less fundamentally "you". for so long i've been jared's other half, part one of two, what have you, that i feel i really need time to discover the rest of me. like what i do when i live alone. i mean really alone, not in my own room in a dorm.

i think it could be interesting.

i also really, really want one of these.

apologies for the last post. if anyone actually reads this anymore.

anyway, in case you weren't in the loop, it's been a rough fucking week. i swear, it's the weather. we haven't seen the sun in like 3 and a half months. we're probably vitamin D deficient or something, but we are all going nuts up yonder in seattle. i think i've been depressed for awhile now, and i know jared has. and we've finally decided on some things that are going to make things better.

first of all... i've realized that i need to be out on my own. i have never lived by myself; i've always relied on someone else to share in the duties of keeping a living space. i think it's high time i try that out, even if it's only a box with a kitchen at one end.

second, i've realized how important to me school is. it's a goal i feel i lost sight of a long time ago... probably somewhere about halfway through my senior year of high school, looking back... but i really am loving what i'm doing now (in a way that i haven't felt since i was back in mccormick's AP chem and bio classes), and i'm pretty damn sure that it's what i want to do. i also have decided that while i'm where i'm at, i'll be able to do what i want to do living alone better than i would living with jared.

and then, as weird as it sounds, i think that the way that jared and i have felt about each other has been slowly changing, even though we might not have been completely aware of it as it was happening. and it's probably not something i need to go into detail about, because these things will sort themselves out in the end. but let it be said that i'm moving out, and moving on, but i know i have friends no matter what, and that's what matters.

plus, i want to marry john dorian.

well, i guess that's it then.

fuck you, both of you.