i've noticed in the past few weeks that i've been intentionally sleeping in a lot more than i did before. i used to get up after the first or second time my parents called or my alarm went off, grudgingly but up nonetheless. recently though i've been ignoring them for a lot longer into the morning. it's nice, really. but the reason, i think, is that the only way i can go to sleep at night is to equate my pillow to tim and convince myself that i'm really sleeping in his arms. then, it only makes sense that in the morning, i'd be more and more reluctant to leave my bed. it's like an extra ten minutes with tim, only not nearly as wonderful.

my hopes of surprising him with a visit later in the summer were effectively shattered this evening. my mom's words: "no, you're not going to fly across the country and miss precious days of work to go shack up with your boyfriend." goddammit. if she'd said yes, man, my life would have a new direction. i hate living in such a way that you're always reaching for something. i hate it when everything i'm living for is just a countdown in my aim profile. but that's what i've been reduced to: i'm looking forward to two events in my future. jamie's return from spain, just over a week away, and my return to california, 7 weeks away. my desire to hang out with the friends who are home right now has been reduced to virtually nothing. hours at work melt away quickly, though, as opposed to the hours at work last summer which barely crawled by. and it seems, at least for the time being, that days are passing relatively quickly too. i just hope that that effect won't go away now that i know i don't have a california visit in less than a month to look forward to.

you're fallin' back to me
the star that I can see
i know you're out there
somewhere out there
you're falling out of reach
defying gravity
i know you're out there
somewhere out there
-our lady peace