i've never been to a bar mitzvah. i think this borders on freakish. i survived my entire preteen-teen transition without having to listen to one kid sing from the torah. never told any newly 13-year-old "mazel tov." there's this entire rite of passage that i've missed out on.

i'm going to crash one someday. just show up with a little gift and tell some little jewish kid congratulations. see what the whole shit is about.