it's time to wax philosophical on the end of the year. i don't know if this blog will be allowed to stay up after tonight, so those of you priveledged enough to read it, enjoy it while it lasts. [ed note: it will remain. yay.]

so i spent the evening up on the penthouse. it was fun. it was good. they had a keg, i enjoyed the keg. i even did a keg stand, which was kinda cool. drinking beer while upside down is a challenge. anyway, i basically spent the entire evening trying to get to allen, which i never did. so i finally gave up and decided to just go talk to joe. joe is allen's best friend, and roommate next year, so hopefully he would have some insight into the whole situation. joe said that he'd talked to allen about "just this" (he didn't explicitly say that it was about me, but it seemed to be implicit) and that allen didn't want to try to start a relationship at the very end of the year. oh, god. wrong thing to say. that of course got me off on the whole "i can't believe it's the end of the year" tangent... i'm getting old... i'm growing up... my freshman year is OVER and i haven't had any fucking dormcest... it's all gone by WAAAAAY too fast. I really cannot handle it. this summer is going to be tight but i think that all in all i'm just looking forward to next year. jesus, next year. roth 209... that's going to be incredible. and being next to the french house... joe seemed to be saying that he and allen would come around a lot. that's good. i really enjoy those two guys... joe's a great friend, and allen... well, yeah. so basically what i caught from the conversation was that allen doesn't want a hookup at the end of the year, he wants a relationship at the beginning of the year. i definitely respect that... but i'm too impatient. *sigh* stupid world. stupid summer. why do we have to have summer?? blah.

anyway, i'd say it wasn't a bad evening. i'm glad i stayed in instead of succumbing to christina's peer pressure to go out to lambda nu. i didn't get any tonight, but if i'd gone out i would have spent the entire night, nay, the entire summer wondering what could have happened if i'd stayed in. and now i know. it's a "wait til fall" situation. which really is right, i guess... i just need to learn how to deal with the passage of time... it's all just too much. i wish i could just fast forward over this summer... it's going to be excruciating. too long. it'll be fun, yes, living with all my buddies, highly enjoyable, trust me. but i want it to be over now. i have no patience.