you'll be loved, you'll be loved
like you never have known
and the memories of me
will seem more like bad dreams
just a series of blurs
like i never occurred
someday you will be loved

death cab for cutie, "someday you will be loved", plans

i'm tired and i'm lonely. being alone is hard on me, it's never been my strong suit. at least i have frida, and for the moment i have suzie and zoe, but at the end of the day, i'm the only one in my bed and that's tough for me to deal with. i'm having a hard time telling if i'm depressed or not, too. i know i was last week and the week before that, but now that the sun's out things are a little better. though things are at the same time not better at all.

i know that time will help, but right now i just really wish i had someone to hold me.

my head is full of tons of thoughts that just can't seem to come unclogged. i guess it's to be expected. it also dawned on me that if you look back on the archives of this blog, the times you'll see the most entries, and certainly the most real content, are while i'm not currently in a relationship. i think that i start self-censoring at some point. but anyway, i don't need to censor myself now.

or maybe i do. there's still so much that i haven't sorted out for myself, so much that i don't want to talk or think about for awhile. i've wrapped my brain around some very difficult concepts the past few days, concepts that i've been denying for awhile. being in a relationship does change you in some ways, makes you less fundamentally "you". for so long i've been jared's other half, part one of two, what have you, that i feel i really need time to discover the rest of me. like what i do when i live alone. i mean really alone, not in my own room in a dorm.

i think it could be interesting.

i also really, really want one of these.

apologies for the last post. if anyone actually reads this anymore.

anyway, in case you weren't in the loop, it's been a rough fucking week. i swear, it's the weather. we haven't seen the sun in like 3 and a half months. we're probably vitamin D deficient or something, but we are all going nuts up yonder in seattle. i think i've been depressed for awhile now, and i know jared has. and we've finally decided on some things that are going to make things better.

first of all... i've realized that i need to be out on my own. i have never lived by myself; i've always relied on someone else to share in the duties of keeping a living space. i think it's high time i try that out, even if it's only a box with a kitchen at one end.

second, i've realized how important to me school is. it's a goal i feel i lost sight of a long time ago... probably somewhere about halfway through my senior year of high school, looking back... but i really am loving what i'm doing now (in a way that i haven't felt since i was back in mccormick's AP chem and bio classes), and i'm pretty damn sure that it's what i want to do. i also have decided that while i'm where i'm at, i'll be able to do what i want to do living alone better than i would living with jared.

and then, as weird as it sounds, i think that the way that jared and i have felt about each other has been slowly changing, even though we might not have been completely aware of it as it was happening. and it's probably not something i need to go into detail about, because these things will sort themselves out in the end. but let it be said that i'm moving out, and moving on, but i know i have friends no matter what, and that's what matters.

plus, i want to marry john dorian.

well, i guess that's it then.

fuck you, both of you.

katamari comes to life

my birthday is in 2 days... i'm gonna be old. shit.

newy hap year!

ok, so it's been awhile since i've posted. too long, i guess. whatever.

it's 2006. WHAT. THE. FUCK. no one asked me if it was okay to become 2006, nor did i ever give my consent. the other day, jared accidentally wrote 12/27/01 on a check, and i laughed at him. on the bright side, this means we're... a quarter of the way through the last ever Bush presidency (knock on wood)... and more than halfway done with the first decade of the 21st century (and third millennium).

let's see. since i last blogged, i finished finals (4.0 GPA baby), got an X-mas tree went to Whistler BC with Jared for 4 days, and spent a lot of time with family for the whole X-mas thing.

Here's the tree, in all its beauty and resplendency:


i'm taking it down today (all the ornaments and lights are down now) which is sad, since it was such an awesome tree. oh well... hopefully next year we can find just as great a tree. (super shout out to Tessa's dad for the tree!)

o canada!


whistler was sunny and 31 (okay, -0.5C, since we were in Metric-land) the whole time we were there, leading to icy snow and a somewhat less than optimal boarding experience. no new snow the entire time we were there, until the morning of our departure the clouds rolled in, and by the time we were 15 minutes out of whistler, it looked like this:


we even saw a car overturned in a ditch. scary stuff, but i think everyone was out of the car by the time we drove by. no one seemed terribly injured, which is always good. and we made it safely home.

the whole trip was a ton of fun though, since when we weren't snowboarding, we were drinking, or sleeping, or watching ski and snowboard instructors jump through rings of fire:

kittens in cups! (via cuteoverload).

also, cats in sinks.

i hate the president

Via salon (reg req'd, or watch an ad):
Mike Wallace on what questions he'd ask George W. Bush -- who has declined to be interviewed by Wallace -- if he were given the chance: "What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? … You apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military … Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [bleeped] up?"

Also, everyone should read this.

OMG SNOW!!!111!1

nothing sticking at this point, but it's only noon and the forecast is that it's going to keep snowing until 10pm tonight. woohoo!!!

wheedle

edward update!

he continues to show an uncanny ability to locate the "different" or "new" thing. here, he has located my sociology textbook.

he looks ginormous in this picture. wait, he is ginormous.

*sniff*

wow.

watch the video. it's beautiful.

arctic monkeys

via salon... these cute little british boys are renewing my faith in rock music.

omfg

so hot

winner!

happy berfday, tesser

snow on baker.

this is what winter is all about.

12" of fresh powder, and it's not even November 15. This ALMOST makes up for last season. Almost.

ninja!

bwahahaha

“Chillemi said that in choosing who to hire, ‘If it came down between a man or a woman, of course I’d pick the man. The woman would most likely get pregnant and leave’,”

Fox News Sued for Sex Discrimination

talented kitty

this is edward. he has an uncanny knack for finding things on the couch which are not the same as the couch, and showing you these items by sitting on them. here, edward demonstrates his ability to locate my bio lab notebook.

what an amazing kitty.

update:

look, he found my vest.