fragility

is what i feel right now. vulnerability. weakness. why did i let that get to me? why did i have the unquenchable desire to call out his name as i saw him walk down the hall? why did i, upon seeing that he was wearing that black shirt that i liked, instantly remember the way his body felt to my hand through that shirt? why can i not block it out of my mind? why am i allowing myself to be a victim to his continued emotional abuse? why doesn't he realize how much this is hurting me? why did he do that? why am i so full of questions?

did i really think that i was stable enough to go to school? well, did i really have a choice? but i couldn't have imagined that just seeing his back as he walked down the hall would elicit such a strong response. why did it do that? why do i continue to blame myself for the failure of a relationship that was doomed to begin with?

let me just say that whoever came up with the idea of not dating anyone until you were 100% over your ex was full of shit. i think that right now if i didn't have the emotional support that i have in mr. wonderful, then i'd be a wreck. even more of a wreck than i already am, rather. blahhhhh. i think i'm just sleep deprived. i promise i'm usually happier than this.