do you ever have days when you just don't feel like facing the outside for all the money in the world? yeah. i can't tell if i'm depressed today, or if i'm just numb. i think that's it. i don't give a shit about this planet or the people on it right now, i wish everything would just go away and let me sit here and stare at nothing. i really shouldn't let little things dictate my mood so violently but really they do. things that should be nothing work their way under my skin and make me not sad, but uncaring. like my sister fucking blasting the white stripes so loud that there is not a room in the house that is sanctuary from their ear-trauma causing noise that they call music. like never having any email that i care about reading. like painting something that i'm really proud of and having the response from everyone be "oh, that's nice" if they say anything at all. like finishing a book and not knowing what's going to happen to the character in it. retarded shit. stupid little shit that makes me not so much angry, or sad, as just not happy. i don't give a fuck about anything right now.

tell me you care. tell me that i matter to you. tell me that the world isn't as devoid of feeling as it feels right now. give me a reason to feel.

i think i need a hug.