i seem to have missed the party boat for the evening. there's no noise going on, no craziness, no alcohol. i think that everyone who is going partying has already gone... and i haven't already gone. *shrug* not like there are any good parties tonight anyway, other than the frosoco one, which is just too goddamn far. blah...

it's funny how being in a really communicative relationship for a prolongued period of time can make you forget just how confounding the opposite sex can be.

"in between the moon and you
angels get a better view
of the crumbling difference
between wrong and right"
-counting crows, "around here"

for some reason, skateboarding at night always reminds me of this song. maybe it's the moon. maybe it's that sometimes when i skateboard at night i feel kind of like i'm in between the moon and you. it's the closest to flying i've ever been. when i come around the corner, off of the sidewalk into the parking lot to get onto the sidewalk in front of branner, i always outstretch my arms like an angel as i soar around the corner. that's my favorite part of my standard commute. today, i skateboarded in flip flops for the first time. it doesn't feel nearly as secure as when i wear my sketchers, but it's a more intimate experience. i even took them off for a minute, so i could feel the board and the pavement with my bare feet. i kind of feel more in touch with something when i do. it's a neat experience.

this day keeps getting better.

today is shaping up to be the best goddamn day i've had in a long time. ihum lecture was actually enjoyable. we discussed the 60's psychadelic movement and ken kesey and the acid tests. and at lunch, they had avocados. like, real, ripe, yummy, whole avocados. i had one at lunch and stole 2 for later. (:

i have this theory that a bowl of raisin bran with soy milk on it and a red bull is a complete, balanced meal. You got your bread - lots of fiber and shit. You got your fruit. You got your soy (which should be one of the food groups.) Protein. Antioxidants. Isoflavones. B Vitamins. Niacin. Pantothenic acid. Caffeine. Taurine. What else could a body need??

Sometimes, I think, wow, my computer is running really slowly for a laptop with 512 megs of RAM and a 900 MHz processor.

Then I think, wait, I have 4 AIM windows, my Outlook Express inbox, 5 Internet Explorer windows, 4 folders, the calculator, the Outlook calendar, Microsoft Word, and Winamp open, and think, wow, my computer is running at a pretty decent speed.

I Want You To Want Me
as performed in "10 Things I Hate About You" by Letters to Cleo
Originally performed by Cheap Trick

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.

yay! this summer! yay! the house! it's ours! it's mine! i'm staying! yay yay!

if i was beautiful like you,
oh the things i would do
those not so blessed
would be crying out murder
and i'd just laugh
and get away with it too.
like you do.

if i was beautiful like you,
i would never be at fault
i'd walk in the rain between the raindrops,
bringing traffic to a halt.

but that will never be,
that will never ever be.
cuz i'm not beautiful like you.
i'm beautiful like me.

if i was beautiful like you,
i'd be quick to assume.
they'd do anything to
please me
why not?
i see their reaction when you walk into the room.

but that will never be,
that will never ever be
'cuz i'm not beautiful like you.
i'm beautiful like me.
beautiful like me.

if i was beautiful like you,
i'd have so many friends
all fighting for my time
to be next in line.
so if i hurt one,
i wouldn't have to make amends.

but that will never be,
that will never never be,
'cuz i'm not beautiful like you.
i'm beautiful like me.

joydrop, "beautiful"

ahh, got the ihum paper all taken care of and turned in. sure feels really good to have that done. now, all i have left to do this week is a japanese vocab quiz (my last one as a first-year japanese student! yay! and easy! and short! weee!) and some ihum reading. i think i'm just going to fake my way through discussion on friday, and not read joyce's The Dead... throw in some bullshit from lecture. what more could you need? next we get to read one flew over the cuckoo's nest which should be entertaining. i'm looking forward to that one. i'm also leading a discussion on it.. hopefully it won't be too painful. maybe i can find some movie clips or something... it'll be good.

this weekend looks like it'll end up being a good deal of fun. partying with eric and the yost crew on saturday, most likely. gonna find some time to chill with allen, too. barbecue on sunday should be entertaining. not too much work to deal with, either, and it's a long weekend! yay memorial day! unfortunately i do have that pesky little 10 page draft due on wednesday in pwr... hopefully i'll survive writing that. i figure if i write 2 or 3 pages on each day, saturday, sunday and monday, and then finish it up on tuesday night, i'll be fine. 10 pages really isn't all that much. i can do it.

i made it past the interview for TPR which means i've been invited to train. training is 3 weekends in june (though they aren't telling us which weekends yet! ack!). i'm praying for the first 3 weekends - though it'll eat out of my finals studying time, i think i can handle it. finals week is usually really low-key anyway. and that'll leave the last 2 weekends in June for maybe even going home, and the family reunion in oregon. i hope i can make it home for a couple days, to see friends and stuff... but eh, if i can't, i suppose it's not the end of the world.

i want to go to the beach this weekend.

i think i hyperassociate smells. not just like normal people do, with the smell of evergreens relating to christmas and family, but hyperassociation, like Jamie does with abstract concepts. i have some lip gloss at home that i wear from time to time when i can't find anything else. it's a basic pina colada scent, pretty good, low-quality lip gloss, but all in all not a bad thing. the scent of the gloss, however reminds me so strongly of my high school freshman year that i end up reliving the painful experience of me finally working up the balls to ask a boy to a dance and having him blankly stare at me as if he didn't know my name. (he didn't. but that's not the point.) from there, i'm reminded of the coach I had for health class telling us to "go ask your parents" if we had any questions on the sex chapter in the textbook (surely there's a law against that!) and the friend who gave me the lip gloss and a really pretty color of nail polish for christmas. but that scent will be forever associated with my crush on jason burns during my freshman year of high school

the same thing goes for the tea i just made for myself. it's tazo zen blend, a really good green tea with herbs in it. but it has a very distinctive scent, one which reminds me overwhelmingly of winter quarter and japanese class. it reminds me of putting milk in my tea every morning before i trudged off to japanese in the rain every morning (okay, so it really only rained about 3 times during winter quarter, but that's not the point).

at least that one isn't a painful association.

today: definite success. DP2 presentation. didn't go so well, but it was new. also, PR hiring session - new experience. Functioning like a human after an all-nighter - new experience. yay! i rule.

also, things are going according to plan. yay!

blah, so dp2 is due today. i definitely pulled an all-nighter last night... but it paid off, 'cause i'm sure i aced the kanji quiz in japanese this morning, and i really don't care that i slept through ihum lecture (ok, so only 30 minutes of it... and i doubt the prof even noticed). hopefully we can get our project off without a hitch, i'm kind of frightened though. it just doesn't have the showmanship that a lot of them will have... though i'm sure it'll work... and my logbook, quite frankly, sucks ass. but it's really too late to go back and fix it, since it's a development process. a lot of my logbook pages are good though, so hopefully that'll count for something.

i have the interview tonight, as well as an ihum paper to write for thursday and a short little draft and a presentation for pwr on wednesday... and i need to sleep quite a bit tonight. i'm really exhausted at this point... the nap in ihum helped, but not by a whole lot. i still have 2 red bulls, but i had a coffee after lunch, so i'll have to wait a bit before i drink a red bull. unfortunately caffeine isn't helping me any... it's just making me jittery and exhausted. my mood has crashed too... it's funny how that happens. hopefully dp2 will go off without a hitch and i can stop stressing about that... ok, time to put more bullshit in the logbook. hopefully i can pull my logbook grade up to a b or b+ (yeah, right) and maybe a b+ overall for the project. that would be nice. very nice.

this is always so much fun. i'm enjoying myself.

the thing i did today that i never did before was go to look at a house with a couple of my future housemates. it was really nice. hopefully we can get it... 5br, 3ba, $2500 a month, in mountain view. it should be ours within a few weeks, and we can start moving in on june 1. weeeee! hopefully i won't even need storage this summer. this is exciting.

i hate that i get hungry at 3:30. i hope we have oatmeal...

jamie is just full of funny bloggable quotes tonight.

jamie (1:39:22 AM): i mean, really, he's playing with your pants

i'm going to leave that one unexplained. (:

jamie (10:00:05 PM): auuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhh
Auto response from Aladariel (10:00:05 PM): aaaaauuuuuuuugh
jamie (10:00:10 PM): damn, we should be language majors
jamie (10:00:15 PM): fuck engineering
Aladariel (10:01:32 PM): hehe
Auto response from jamie (10:01:32 PM): What the soul knows is often unknown to the man who has a soul. We are infinitely more than we think.
Kahlil Gibran
jamie (10:01:36 PM): heh
jamie (10:01:42 PM): but that's why we have fuckie majors
Aladariel (10:01:45 PM): yes
jamie (10:01:48 PM): yay fuckie majors
Aladariel (10:01:54 PM): because they make you want to scream "FUCK!"
jamie (10:02:08 PM): funny how we both went from pure techie to fuckie. and both have lang minors
Aladariel (10:02:11 PM): hehe
Aladariel (10:02:28 PM): yeah
jamie (10:02:40 PM): it's because we're in denial of the fact that we really just want to go the beach and be language majors and date ethnic guys
jamie (10:02:41 PM): heh
Aladariel (10:03:40 PM): lol
Aladariel (10:03:44 PM): too true
jamie (10:03:52 PM): : )
jamie (10:03:59 PM): but we're martyrs for fuckies
Aladariel (10:04:01 PM): yes
jamie (10:04:16 PM): your finger. and both of our not sleeping
Aladariel (10:04:23 PM): yeah
jamie (10:04:26 PM): and i'll just get carpal tunnel
Aladariel (10:04:28 PM): fuckiness
Aladariel (10:04:28 PM): lol
jamie (10:04:42 PM): so yeah, our minds and fingers
jamie (10:04:42 PM): heh
Aladariel (10:04:49 PM): yeah
Aladariel (10:05:53 PM): missing flicks :(
Aladariel (10:05:57 PM): i wanted to see orange county, too
jamie (10:06:04 PM): *hug*
jamie (10:06:08 PM): we can see it after finals
Aladariel (10:06:12 PM): yeah
Aladariel (10:06:19 PM): i AM going to see Amelie next weekend though
jamie (10:06:23 PM): me too!
Aladariel (10:06:25 PM): yay
Aladariel (10:06:26 PM): !
jamie (10:06:27 PM): it looks so cute
Aladariel (10:06:29 PM): yeah
Aladariel (10:06:33 PM): heather gave it glowing reviews
jamie (10:06:44 PM): and we can binge on chocolate and/or controlled substances
Aladariel (10:06:51 PM): yay!!!!
jamie (10:06:52 PM): when we watch orange country
jamie (10:06:54 PM): county
Aladariel (10:06:54 PM): controlled substances!!!
jamie (10:06:54 PM): hehe
Aladariel (10:06:55 PM): hehe
jamie (10:06:57 PM): heheheh
jamie (10:06:59 PM): chocolate!
jamie (10:07:04 PM): should be controlled for me :)
Aladariel (10:07:07 PM): hehehe
jamie (10:07:20 PM): colin invited me to his june 15 ball
jamie (10:07:21 PM): heh
Aladariel (10:07:24 PM): hehe
jamie (10:07:36 PM): i asked why not lizzie...he said it's easier to get me out there on short notice
jamie (10:07:41 PM): gotta love his tact :)
Aladariel (10:07:47 PM): lol
jamie (10:08:09 PM): should be (sub)cultural
Aladariel (10:08:27 PM): hehe
Aladariel (10:09:57 PM): it'll be fun
jamie (10:10:02 PM): yes :)
jamie (10:10:07 PM): and can wear the prom dress
jamie (10:10:12 PM): okay, back to cs whoring
jamie (10:10:13 PM): :)
jamie (10:10:19 PM): rock on!!
Aladariel (10:10:23 PM): alright, back to ME masochism
Aladariel (10:10:25 PM): you too!!
jamie (10:10:29 PM): weeeeeeeeeeee!!
jamie (10:10:30 PM): :) :)
Aladariel (10:10:34 PM): later (:
jamie (10:10:37 PM): you bitch with allen :)
Aladariel (10:10:38 PM): hehe
jamie (10:10:39 PM): can
jamie (10:10:41 PM): :)
jamie (10:10:45 PM): rock on! :)
Aladariel (10:10:45 PM): when he gets back from flicks :(
Aladariel (10:10:46 PM): :P
jamie (10:10:49 PM): :)
Aladariel (10:10:50 PM): i wish i had time for flicks :P
Aladariel (10:10:51 PM): hehe
jamie (10:10:58 PM): you will next time :)
Aladariel (10:11:00 PM): yeah
jamie (10:11:01 PM): later :)
Aladariel (10:11:03 PM): later (:

hopefully today will be a better day for me than yesterday. i did, however, most definitely succeed in my goal of doing something that i've never done before. i drove phil's car to home depot, and halfway home i got freaked out because the muffler stopped working (it wasn't my fault though, and as far as i can tell he fixed it and it's fine now). later, though, i cut my finger on an exacto knife. it hurt like a bitch motherfucker. then the surface wound, where i broke the skin, closed up. unfortunately i also managed to nick a relatively major (well, for a finger) blood vessel, which did *not* close up when the skin did. that's frightening, watching your finger swell up all purple-like. so i went to urvi and she drove me to cowell. the people at cowell are so nice and helpful. two nurses looked at my finger and went "huh." they turned it over and went "weird." then they gave me a band-aid (with neosporin, no less) and told me to ice it and elevate it. riiiiight. fortunately it was my left index finger, not my right one... but still, a bitch. it also makes typing difficult.

i also watched good will hunting last night with allen. entertaining movie. good fun. never done that before either.

"do you like apples? yeah? well, i got her number. how do you like *them* apples?" - good will hunting

i think today's been a failure. nothing presented itself for me to do that i've never done before. well, nothing that's not a lame stretch... i never saw the guy who spoke to our me101 class before... i never thought about how nietzsche could be applied to othello... i never crashed my visor before today. but these things are lame, which makes today a failure as far as my philosophy goes. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

i definitely wrote my review of star wars. it was a beautiful thing, covering every detail, from the growing shadow across young anakin's future from the way yoda handles his lightsaber. it was an amazing review. i gave it 3.5 stars. and then, blogger ate the post.

i hate that.

so, for the sake of brevity, the movie is better than the last one. hayden christensen and natalie portman are hot. ewan mcgregor - also hot. jar jar binks - much, much better than in the last one. that's all i'm going to say.

i suppose my readership didn't really want spoilers, anyway. so it is for the best that blogger ate it.

oh my god. yoda is my god.

full review coming tomorrow. be prepared.

i didn't get into the sophomore college i applied for... grr. oh well, that just means more time this summer to work and make money. (yay money.)

i am, however going to go see star wars... 4.5 hours until the show, just 15 minutes until i leave... weee!

i just turned a so-so day into an awesome one in just two easy steps: one. go skateboard in the parking structure. take the elevator up, ride down... fuck yes. two. get a blogger t-shirt in the mail, so the masses know now who will be dominating them in the coming revolution. buahahahaha....

star wars opens on thursday... and i have a ticket! that's right, thanks to fandango.com, i have my very own, printed-at-home ticket to star wars episode ii: attack of the clones. stay tuned for movie reviews (without spoilers, i promise), and, more importantly, whether it would be more aptly titled "attack of the crazed manic fans who absolutely detest jar-jar binks". we'll have to see.

tonight, however, holds lots of work on me101, some skateboarding at the parking structure, a little japanese studying, and perhaps a little work in the new-crush department. yeah, i've moved on, to bigger and better (or at least closer) things. more to follow, perhaps.

for the record, there is an amazing planetary conjunction right now in the west. crescent moon and 4 planets. go see it if you can. it won't be around for another 38 years.

katcam fans: sorry about the downtime. my computer crashed at about 6AM this morning, and then my demo version on my webcam software decided to run out. i don't mind; it was shitty software anyway. i've downloaded yet another demo version of a (way better) program which will last me another month... i wonder if i'll ever run out of demo versions. hehe. anyway, it's back up and running... yay.

update: 17 aftershocks so far. the biggest one was a 3.2, which couldn't be felt here, unfortunately.

yes, the rumors are true... the bay area just had an earthquake. hells yeah. it was really cool. lasted about 10 seconds, side-to-side motion. 5.2 at the epicenter which is about 30 miles from here, probably closer to 3.6 here. big enough to be fun, small enough that some people didn't even feel it. but i think it was awesome.

some sample transcripts:
Aladariel (10:00:52 PM): holky shir (ed. note: i meant to type "holy shit" but the keyboard was moving.)
eric (10:01:08 PM): ?
Aladariel (10:01:16 PM): EARTHQUAKE!!!
eric (10:01:17 PM): did you just feel that too?
eric (10:01:19 PM): shit
eric (10:01:22 PM): damn dude

jamie (10:00:55 PM): earthquake!
jamie (10:00:58 PM): ?
Aladariel (10:01:18 PM): AAAAAH
jamie (10:01:47 PM): wow
jamie (10:01:51 PM): that was kind of cool
Aladariel (10:02:11 PM): ude
Aladariel (10:02:14 PM): dude
jamie (10:02:15 PM): heh
Aladariel (10:02:15 PM): that was so cool
jamie (10:02:23 PM): yeahh
jamie (10:02:33 PM): when do we get aftershocks?

Aladariel (10:04:33 PM): fuck!!!
Aladariel (10:04:35 PM): that was so cool

there really is nothing like a walk down university avenue to help clear my mind. i went into palo alto to buy the art supplies i've been meaning to invest in for a few weeks now, and ended up just spending the hour wandering university. $51 on art supplies and $4 on a soy mocha at starbucks, and i just feel... better. i didn't realize how cheap art canvas is... i got 3 9x12 panels for like 3 bucks each. which is super-cool. i also got 6 tubes of acrylics, 2 brushes, and a pad of canvas paper. i'm excited. hopefully i'll be able to make something here... i feel like it's something i need to do.

'cause this life is a farce,
i can't breathe through this mask,
like a fool,
so breathe on, sister, breathe on.
-portishead, "it's a fire"

bbbbbbbbllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

yes, that's right.

alright, so i have pictures from last night, but i've decided two things. 1) what the fuck was i thinking and 2) these pictures will not be posted online but shared with people on an individual basis... sorry.

in other news, today has been extraordinarily uneventful. i got up at noon and got dressed at 4. i haven't done any work other than on my pwr paper at all today. i need to get cracking on that. it doesnt' make me happy when the thing i did today that i've never done before was wait until 4:15 to get dressed... hopefully i can find something else to satisfy that requirement soon enough. i mean, i have saturday and friday covered, no sweat... i should really start writing this stuff down.

oh, and i don't know if i'm going to give up my veganism. i kind of enjoy it. there is some good vegan shit out there. the only things i'm not thrilled about giving up are pearl milk tea and japanese food. i mean, i ate salmon rolls when i was a strict vegetarian... maybe i can be a vegan who only eats sashimi...

gah, and we have to wait until may *25* to get our housing assignments... that blows. that's almost 2 weeks away. gaaaaargh.

"are you willing to be had?
are you cool with just tonight?"
- eve6

pictures from last night will be posted soon. i'm gonna password-protect them though, so to get the password, gimme an im. after they're up.

my roommate's computer is making unbearable amounts of noise. it's buzzing and hissing and just generally being annoying. you would think that a freaking sony vaio laptop would be a quiet computer... but no...

my roommate's mom just called again. it's the third time she's called today, and it's not even 1PM. she probably thinks this is perfectly acceptable, being that it's 4PM her time, but honestly, why don't you just call her goddamn cellphone if you want so desparately to get in touch with her? christ. i swear, i talk to her mom more than she talks to her mom. seriously.

ahh, so tomorrow i go off my vegan diet and see how i feel. i can't tell right now whether i like it or not... it makes me feel disciplined, or something like that, and gives me an excuse not to eat a lot of junk food, but i of course find replacements (instead of eating (free) cookies in the dining hall, i go to tres ex and spend $2 on a clif bar).

i'm not quite sure what to do today. i'm still alive and well in the game of assassins, but i was scheduled to be terminated more than 24 hours ago. from what i hear, there can't be more than 10 or 15 people still alive (and this was an estimate last night, so it's probably down under 10 now). i figure if i can just evade doug the terminator for enough time, i might just win the game. i have no idea who is supposed to assassinate me, nor have any attempts whatsoever been made on my life. i can see this game deteriorating to the point where it's just me and my target (who has an overdeveloped sense of competitiveness) avoiding each other and doug. that would be cool. i could win the game without a single kill. that would be sweet.

alright, it's time for a shower. then to work, then to shop, then to work some more, and then to... exotic erotic. that's going to be one kinky party... i'll be sure to take lots of pictures.

so those of you who saw my away message early this morning know what happened... at 5:45, we were rudely awoken by a screaming alarm. of course, my mental faculties at 5:45 are not *quite* up to par, especially when i've just woken (or haven't really woken) up. so i look at the clock, out the window, and in turn at each of my roommates. dawn is starting to creep over the horizon, which gives the east this vague, eery glow. it's 5:45, mind you, and i've been awake for approximately 10 seconds. the first thought through my mind is, "oh, shit, nuclear war." i kid you not. i'm lame. but anyway, after a few minutes, the siren has not stopped, and heather and i decide, hey, we should go out into the hall to see what kids are doing. kids, it appears, are holding their ears and staring at each other. so we join in the fun. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" someone screams at someone else. "WHAT?" someone else screams back. this enjoyable activity continues until we decide that, due to the fact that alarms are screaming bloody murder at us, we should go outside. you know, all evacuate the building and stuff. so i go back in the room to tell jenny that we're evacuating the building ("uuungh. i'm staying here. i have a track meet today."), grab shoes, a sweater and leave the building. of course, i didn't remember to bring my water gun to get my assassins target, but really, that's okay, because it's before 6 and i'm damn tired. so we stand outside. and we stand outside. police cars pull up and stare at us. a fire truck pulls up. two guys in fireman outfits go inside. after a few minutes the alarm turns off. and there was much rejoicing. oh, but we continue to stand there. and stand there. finally one of the guys in the fireman outfits comes out, pulls off his helmet and rubs his head. he talks to kennell for a few minutes. the other guy comes out and joins in the conversation. then the mob moves back inside. yeeeeeah. it was, at this point, about 6:10. i was thinking about staying up and getting shit done (my japanese homework remains untouched to this point), but it was 6:10. yeeeeeeeah. considering i'd gone to bed about four hours previous, i decided that it was in my best interest to finish up my sleep. so i got up about 10:20. i guess that works out to 8 hours of sleep, albeit interrupted... ah well. it works.

blargh, i'm tired. i have no idea why, either, because i got up barely 14 hours ago... ah well. i've been in a weird mood all day, too... perhaps i'm just stressed about the way i completely fucked up my assassins target...gaaargh. of course i've played out 16 scenarios in my mind of how i could have done it better, and without fail. yeah, so i suck at assassins... the cia will never hire me. that's a shame.

i'm growing to like the idea of living in slavianskii dom. slav dom. it just sounds like fun. say it. "slav dom." the state or condition of being slavic. dom, dom, dom. slav dom. hehehe.

oh, and i came across a copy of don hertzfeld's "Ah, L'amour"... if you haven't seen it, IM me and i'll send it. It's not *nearly* as hilarious as Rejected, but it's got some good Hertzfeld humor in it... i.e. poorly-animated, poorly-drawn dudes getting the bloody crap beaten out of them. a bloody good time for everyone. and by that i mean "a bloody good 2 minutes and 15 seconds for everyone." yay animated shorts...

um... did i mention... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!?

i have balls. (figuratively. that's an idiomatic expression in which "balls" does not refer to "testicles" but to "courage." i admit, this is a rather outdated and chauvinistic way of describing courage, but it seems to be all i have to work with here. wait, no. let me restate that.)

i have clit. (see, in this one, i used a much more radical approach, actually naming something related to female sexuality rather than staying within the confines of the patriarchy. *gasp* wow. i guess the above statment is true.)

anyway, i called him. again.

to make, ah, a rather short story even shorter, he wasn't home again. however, the roommate i spoke with this time seems to be of the more friendly flavor than the one i spoke to last time... actually asked who was calling, asked if he could take a message... the works. wow, shit. if dave doesn't work out, then i could just go for his roommate... anyway, i told the roommate to tell him that kat called. i inquired when he'd be back... no knowledge. i figured this was the best i could do. if i'd said "yeah, could you tell him kat called, and that if he doesn't call me back he's never gonna get play from me, and i'll hate him forever," well, that'd put a bit of a damper on any chance of a relationship (or "fling," if you will). see, this is what i get. gaaargh. well, i think that the odds that this roommate will give him the message are better than my odds last time with the rude and/or sleepy roommate... and if not, well, i suppose i'll just have to call a 3rd time. which is kind of irritating.

on a completely different note, assassins started today... but no, i won't tell you who my target is, because i want to have a prayer of killing her or him. the only problem is that the rules for our game include "no assassinations within the confines of branner hall" which completely sucks. i have no idea when i'm gonna see this person outside of branner... grr. oh well, we'll see... the only problem is, now can i go outside of branner alone at night without fear of being assassinated? augh. it'll be fun though...

waxing philosophical on alcohol and stupid shit

it just dawned upon me that, while lots of people stupidly do shit while they're drunk, i tend to stupidly not do shit while i'm drunk.

let's clarify that. lots of people i know lose all inhibition and go wild and crazy. i just don't. maybe it's just this sense of responsibility to the world around me, maybe it's just that i'm not a very licentious person to begin with. maybe i'm smart, maybe i'm paranoid. maybe my tolerance is higher than other people's, or maybe i just don't drink myself into oblivion (because oblivion sucks). but the fact is that i am, and have always been, a responsible drunk - almost annoyingly so. i want to know where i am when i wake up, and i want to know that i haven't gone and done anything completely ridiculous.

case in point: last friday night. i met a super-cool guy. we talked for hours. we exchanged phone numbers. we even exchanged a kiss in front of my dorm. we made a connection. we feel, or at least i feel, that we should see each other again.

do these sound like the actions of a drunk person? no. drunk people, when they meet someone they're attracted to, make out. they hook up. they do stupid shit that they might regret in the morning.

i don't. i never have. i'm a responsible drunk. and perhaps, just this once, i would have liked to have been the irresponsible sort. mind you, nothing too irresponsible... just some casual, happy making out. just so that, if he never calls and i never get a hold of him, i would have that experience. the koto would aru. you know what i mean.

what am i talking about, "if he never calls and i never get a hold of him?" hah. i'm kat, for god's sake. i take charge. i take matters into my own hands. i am kat. hear me roar.

this picture does not even begin to describe the beauty of the world at this very instant.

weee, webcam fun.


hehehehe.

state of affairs: i called him. nerve-wracking. i couldn't do it all at once. i pulled his number up in my cellphone to the point where it said "call"... then i went to the bathroom. as i was washing my hands i looked myself in the mirror and thought, you are a confident person. you are a feminist. you can take action. you can do this. so i just walked back into my room, picked up the cellphone and hit "call" all at once. bam.

one ring. maybe he's not there. two rings. i hear a voice on the other end of the line say, "hello." "Hey, is Dave there?" "no." *beat* um.... okay.... what now? "Okay... can you tell him I called?" "who's this?" "Kat." "Kat?" "yeah." "Ok. bye." *click*.

Eric informed me that the proper course of action in this case should have been to ask when he would be back. Jeez. like i had that kind of presence of mind... to actually think on the fly like that? gah. what does he take me for? superwoman? bleh.

also, an interesting turn of events happened last night. i was talking to JR, who was my ME101 teammate for the last project, and he randomly asks me, "Do you want to go on a blind date???????" with literally 7 question marks like that. um.... uh-oh... so evidently now, because i'm a nice person, i'm going on a blind date with this kid that i vaguely remember helping us on our project. becky says he's "eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" christ. how do i get myself into these situations? On the other hand, though, JR says that dave is a "really cool guy" and not a closet asshole or anything, which is good.... glad to know i have JR's blessing in this endeavour. and kristin (drawmate! yay!) went to high school with him, and doesn't seem to know that he's a jerk, though she says she doesn't know him very well.

also on the radar: joakim, from windsurfing, and brian, from japanese.

anyway, all in all, this year looks like it's going to end the same way it began - with more guys than i can count. yay! funny how history repeats itself...

it's funny how you can completely miss something for months and then discover just how delicious it is.

yesterday this happened to me several times. i suppose it goes along with my philosophy of doing something every day that you have never done before. yesterday this thing was going vegan. i'm going to be vegan for a week and see how i like it. anyway, the thing that i've completely missed for months is the indian food at wilbur. it doesn't look all that appetizing - in fact, i've stared at it before and thought, "ewwww." but since it was the most appetizing vegan meal there yesterday, i decided to give it a shot. i had a vegan roti wrap - which turned out to be pretty good, with a nice touch of spiciness, but not overpowering. it was probably the best thing i've ever eaten at wilbur. quite, quite delicious.

the same goes for the spinach roti i bought there. it came with 5 loaves (they look kind of like green pita, but it's slightly different in texture.) and now i'm down to 2... so yummy. a wonderful snack. i think i like indian food now, which is cool.

i've also pulled out the old dogstar to have a listen. dogstar - ahh, keanu reeves... a horribly good band. they're just cheesy alt-pop-rock. it makes me happy though, which is what i need.

Today, the thing i will do that i have never done before will be call dave. I'm going to call him at 9:05. hopefully we can find some time to hang out this week... that would be awesome.

i find it interesting (and perhaps even blogworthy) that as wired as my life is, with all my pda and cellphone and laptop interfacing, things still don't happen if they're not written on post-it notes.

the weekend update:

friday night. the party: david wakukawa's S H U S E K I party. yost 304, 10:00 until they bust out the Robitussin.
the people: a random assortment of david's friends: from donner last year, sig ep, random people... probably about 60 people throughout the evening, but hardly more than 20 at a time. the perfect kind of party.
cool things: david and lots of his friends speak japanese. this is a lot of fun. in fact, about 50% of the time i talk to david, it's in japanese. i really enjoy that.
the plot thickens: at some point in the evening i found myself talking to this one guy, dave, who i've never met before. hmm, thinks me, he's cute. all right, whatever. so we ended up talking the whole night... we were both fairly drunk, so there was never a boring moment or even a lull in the conversation. we did, however, end up finding all this "similar interest" and "things in common" bullshit (he kind of speaks japanese, for one) and ended up, if i wasn't misinterpreting things, bonding quite a bit. i'm not quite sure how or why that happened, or whether i should be open to this at this point, but he has my phone number and i have his...

yaaaaaaaargh.

last night ended up sucking quite a bit. too many parties, too few people, too far to walk home. the only highlight was that, in his drunken stupor, ming started speaking in japanese on our way to the party at durand. this was entertaining because, obviously, i speak japanese, so we got to have this little private conversation about shit that no one else around could remotely come close to understanding. it's kind of like when i was in 3rd grade and i gave pig latin lessons to kids under the slide... but only kids that i thought were cool. in my naivety, i thought that pig latin was something that only i knew, and only people i taught it to could understand it. for that little bit of time, it was kind of like ming was one of my cool kids back in 3rd grade, and everyone else was on the outside.

confidential to jamie: http://www.hermenaut.com/a165.shtml. just skim it and see what bells it rings.

other random thing: this week i am going to be vegan. i had a really good vegan meal over at wilbur with jamie tonight, and it was quite enjoyable. i'm going to give this a try for a week (so, until sundown next saturday) and see how it goes. not that veganism is that much different from the diet of a lactose-intolerant vegetarian...

don't graduate... working sucks. wise words from the mouths of the smartasses at uber.nu. (:

today's random picture of the day:



who knows. (:

ahh, refreshing nap. one of the best i've ever had.

this afternoon was windsurfing. the weather was much better than last friday, but it was really still. ideal for beginning windsurfers who are just learning how to tack; not so ideal for windsurfers who get out into the middle of the lake and sit there. i managed to go most of the time, and i know i spent more time up than down this time, which was comforting. i'm visibly improving. i was also exhausted.

so i just took an hour and a half long nap. a brilliant idea, if i may say so myself. now, however, i think i need to caffeinate myself and decide if i want to make the trek over to yost for david's shuseki. i'll probably end up going... we'll see.

perhaps i will caffeinate myself and then read an act of othello. yeah, that's a good idea.

NOBODY COMMENTS ON MY BLOG!

**sob**

a random note: i dislike multicolored post-it note pads, because i, personally, am getting sick of the yellow post-its, but i'd really rather use the purple ones, which, unfortunately, are at the bottom of the stack. gr..

bleh, i'm full. i hate that feeling. it's beyond happy-full, but fortunately not yet to sick-full. suppose i'll have to digest for a few hours before i go to the gym. i really hope i can whip myself back into the habit of going to the gym regularly again, after i've neglected it for so long. i think that will be helped by the fact that last night i hit a revelation - i moved the weight up to 75 pounds on that shoulder machine thingie. i can only do about 15 reps (a set and a half) instead of the 30 i usually do, but it feels good... and i'm not even sore today. i need to work on that. i haven't been seriously sore in so long, it makes me wonder if i'm still pushing my muscles as much as i should.

for jamie: my mom sent a page from her "word origins" calendar from april 22. The word is "camellia", and the origin is thus:
"Native to Asia, this showy flower was first introduced to the west in 1706 by Georg Josef Kamel, a Jesuit missionary from Moravia serving in this part of the world, and the plant was named in his honor." so there you go... camellias are named for you. (:

ugh... time for work... paa app (i love that there are 3 p's and 3 a's in that little abbreviation cluster), pwr research, me101 brainstorming... ihum othello... and, i'd like to get my ass to the gym again...