1.21.2002
ski trip: unbelievable.
started out rather poorly, sitting on our asses on the bus for like 45 minutes waiting to leave. but we finally rolled out around 6 (supposed to leave at 5)... i fell asleep for awhile, we watched a couple of movies... felt kind of funny that day, so i actually ended up getting (of all random things) motion sick on the bus... booted in the bathroom... ew. trip out to tahoe took about 7 hours, and as soon as we got in i got my ass in bed.
bed, for heather and i, was in a little "harry potter" closet under the stairs. hey, it was the only non-traffic-pattern floor space available in the entire house. we had what, 45 people living there, so it got kinda cramped. sleep wasn't so much satisfying, but as soon as the alarm went off i was damn ready to get my butt on the slopes.
and by "butt", i of course mean "butt", because i learned to snowboard. that kicked ass, dude. major ass. took a lesson the first morning, got the basics down, and after lunch tackled a slope. i rode down (halfway actually riding, halfway ass-riding) pretty well - it took me a couple tries to get it down, but by the end of the first day i was sore, mildly frustrated ("why the hell didn't i just stick to skiing?"), but i felt like i was definitely getting better.
wild party saturday night at house 2. need i say more?
sunday, went out and hit the slopes early. took some of the more difficult green runs on the mountain, not quite successfully (rode down sideslip most of the way, but hell, it was fun)... by the end of sunday, however, i was in absolute pain and ready for a hot shower.
sunday night, wild drinking games in our house, followed by a massive takeover of house 2. it ruled.
monday morning, we packed up and waited for the buses. and waited. and waited. it was about 30 minutes late. we watched a bunch of shit on mtv. but it was cool. then we hit the road. didn't get bus sick this time, no, something much more substantial happened.
here's the story (as far as i can make it out):
our bus was behind house 2's bus. traffic was moving along at about 65 but there was a huge traffic jam pretty far ahead, so cars started slowing down. the bus in front of us (i think) swerved a little to avoid hitting another car, slowing down way too fast for our bus to avoid it. so our bus swerved off into the right shoulder to avoid rear-ending the other bus... there was a hill off the side of the road, that we were kind of half-riding on... attempted to pass the first bus on the right, driving on the shoulder... not enough room for us to pass. bus bouncing up and down, kids flying out of seats, and holy shit, the other bus is way too close to us. suddenly, the sickening sound of metal on metal and a crunch as the first two windows on our bus are broken. (most of the glass stayed in the window, but some of it rained down upon a few kids. luckily not me.) i bruised my ass coming back down on the armrest of my chair. everyone screamed. i thought we were going to die.
but we kept on going. about 2 minutes later the buses pulled over and the two drivers had a powwow. i suppose they decided not to call the police and file an accident report because the buses were owned by the same people, the kids in the buses were going the same way, and no one appeared to be injured. so we kept on truckin' on. it was weird.
DEFINITELY a memorable weekend. definitely. unbelievable fun. i loved it. amazing. (i'm a convert. i don't know if i'll ever ski again.)
weeeee!
1.18.2002
1.16.2002
it just occurred to me that i have 45 minutes to come up with a speech to make to branner that will convince them to vote for me for secretary. hmm. what need i say? "vote for me. you'll actually *see* a branner newsletter every week. an informative, interesting, and entertaining newsletter, not a 'brian dunne's personal rant' newsletter. and the dorm government won't be a complete sausagefest. i'd love to put off my studying for the hour or two a week it'll take me to fulfill this job... really."
i think that will do. perhaps i'll just go read some more tolkien now. (:
updated: links page. also, put pictures up in the pictures directory, so be sure to check them out... bandquet pics... party pics... random-ass pics... weeee! (:
excitement.
my amazon order came in (finally!) so now my tolkien collection has gone from nonexistant to pretty damn good. i have the one-book version of lord of the rings as well as a copy of unfinished tales of numenor and middle-earth. this is exciting. i don't know how i'll get any ihum reading done with this much tolkien in my room, but it makes me unbelievably happy to touch, feel, skim and smell the books. must... reread... lotr... trilogy... perhaps i'll do that on the bus to tahoe. or start unfinished tales.
the books are beautiful. the trilogy has a picture from the movie, the shot of the nazgul (ringwraith) on the hill above where the hobbits are hiding, just the creepy shadow of a black rider against an eerie blue night. the unfinished tales has a beautiful artist's rendition of what i suppose is numenor, which i know nothing about because i haven't read said book. it's gorgeous.
wow. i love new books. i love devouring books. i love immersing myself in tolkien's world of middle-earth. it's an incredible story.
ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
-inscription on the One Ring
1.15.2002
fuggin tired is me.
just went to the gym. i pulled the "let's beat the shit out of kat" routine. i spent 20 minutes on the stairstepper and then ran a mile on the treadmill, and then lifted and did abs. my arms are starting to look pretty good which is cool. now if only the poundage would melt off my tummy too. perhaps i will start going to the gym after japanese in the mornings. that will be good.
1.14.2002
today's google search hit winner of the day: "mom and son fucking." I wish people would put quotes around their google searches, because i'm sure i had those four words on my site but certainly not in that order. sigh.
but of course, now, my site contains the words "mom and son fucking". so now google will legitimately turn my site up in searches for this sick, disgusting request. *sigh.* i can't win.
1.13.2002
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Chorus
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
Chorus
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Meredith Brooks, Bitch
(thank you jamie!!! :)
1.10.2002
a most interesting email...
(for those of you who don't know, chuck is "The Tree", of "The Tree" fame. and as far as our history together, if you don't know, please, for the love of god, don't ask. (by which i mean, that's a funny story, and i'll share it, but not on the blog.)
From: Chuck Armstrong
To: Kat R-------, A------ B------
Subject: A modest proposal
Date: 1/10/2002 2:13 AM
Ladies,
As you know, the time of Bandquet is upon us. As is sometimes customary for Bandquet, people attire themselves by themed groups.
Being in that we have a storied history together, I was wondering if you two charming ladies would like to have the honor of being my dates. If you would, of course, that means I would be willing to pay for half of each of your covers (sorry, but I'm still poor), and who knows, you may get even luckier (if you know what I mean) (what I actually mean is "drunker"). How can you refuse? The answer to this question is this:
You cannot.
However, on a more serious note, if you are uncomfortable by the idea of this or by the idea of being grouped together at all, then I sincerely apologize and you may each slap me in the face as many
times as you like as long as it not surpass thrice.
Please let me know at your most convenient opportunity.
Yours truly,
Chu¢k
1.09.2002
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
goo goo dolls, "iris"
1.08.2002
1.07.2002
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear
'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here.
-No Doubt, Just a Girl
weeee angry feminist rock! hehehehe. i love this song.
ahh, back to the old life. ahh, back to turning my music up on my headphones to drown out a) jenny's shitty music b)jenny's annoying voice c) jenny's annoying friends d) anyone who happens to stop by, not to talk to me of course, but to talk to my more attractive roommate. gah. that chris guy across the hall, the one who acknowledges my existence but nothing else, is now sitting on the back of my chair as i type this, talking to jenny. what the hell is he doing in here? does he realize that there is an unused chair in this room if he wants to sit down, and that the back of mine is not an appropriate place to plop one's arse?
just finished the sequel to Bridget Jones's Diary. Highly entertaining. was laughing out loud at the end. have found self mimicking bridget jones's writing style. fortuntately have never been imprisoned in thailand.
my music is not loud enough. i need to escape. i neeeeed to escape. working out in 3 hours is an enticing prospect but in the meanwhile would like to get coffee at the coho and chill with mike. unf. mike is not at his computer, and cannot pick up phone and plea for salvation with jenny and annoying entourage in room. perhaps i'll just go wander the campus. is only 7:45... could go return seminar course reader... yes. should do that. what fun. perhaps afterward will locate alleged """boyfriend""". that's it, i'm off.
1.06.2002
home!!!!
ahh, sooo good being back at stanford. i love this place. i was a little shaky on the plane ride, there was that question of "am i going home or am i coming from home?" but after a long shuttle ride i finally arrived at branner hall and... it all comes flooding back. there was a bit of a dormy smell at first, but either the windows have been open enough or i'm used to it... it's great now.
got dinner with mikey and jamie at a mexican restaurant in PA. it was pretty good. good to see him again. i missed him. i dont' know if i fully realize yet how much i missed him, i kind of got used to the "single" mode... i might just need a day or two to get re-used to the concept of having someone. it won't take long, and it'll be cool. (:
yep, my roommate and i are alcoholics. heather cut up a grapefruit and poured two shots of smirnoff on it. that was yummy. it's going in the recipe box. (:
soooo good being home. i love this state. tomorrow: pay bills. tuesday: turn 19 and start classes. weeee!
1.05.2002
1.04.2002
weeee dorkihood! due to circumstances, i was able to spend nearly the entire day on my ass in front of the computer, studying elvish. it's cool. i didn't absorb any new vocab, just the history and pronunciation of quenya, but tomorrow i'll start learning the actual language. it's really neat.
today was friday... on sunday, i'll be back home! i'm so excited. tomorrow's my "birthday" at home. even though my real one's tuesday, we're celebrating tomorrow so we can have cake and presents. it'll be great. and then... stanford! yay stanford! yay branner! yay california! yay room 228! wow, can i ever not wait.
i've officially become a dork. i spent the morning looking up resources on elvish linguistics. it's a fascinating language, because it was invented by one man, and yet still makes linguistic sense. it'd be way easier to study sindarin (common elvish tongue) or quenya (the "latin" of the elves) than, say, english, because they have absolutely no exceptions to rules, whereas for every rule in english there are twelve exceptions at the very least. i hope it won't be too confusing to study two different languages at once (japanese and quenya) because i found an online course in quenya which sounds really neat.
mikey, i think you've polluted my mind. i might want to become a sym sys major now.
yep, i'm a dork. (:
1.03.2002
today saw LotR with Lauren... bad ass, the fourth time around. (remember: first: good, second: great, third: incredible, fourth: badass.) it was cool to catch up with her again, too.
when i got home we took the tree down. that's always sad. i don't like taking the tree down. because it's such an obvious sign of the assimilation of pagan customs into the christian faith when the christians decimated the native religions of europe. capitalist pigs.
then i went out to sushi with jamie and jamie and clayton and this girl, kendyll. i hope i spelled that right. anyway, she's clayton's friend. was a senior this year. and actually graduated in december, which is cool. i guess 3 kids did that... one to take care of her 9-month-old, and the other two to get their asses out of high school. (kendyll doesn't have a baby.) anyway, we got a shitload of sushi and it was REALLY REALLY good and also expensive. but that's ok. then we went to jamie's house (all but kendyll) and chilled. her dad made coffee. we saw mulholland. anyway it was super-super-cool to see wiccechick again, since it'd been since like fucking july or something and she's super cool. she's one of the few s-town peeps i truly miss. but i got to hear all about the pagan organation at auburn in which she's pretty active, and all the retreats and shit they have planned. i'm totally jealous. ah well. it was tons of fun.
i used to be a little boy
actually i didn't. but what i choose is indeed my choice, and, well, what's a boy supposed to do? a killer in me is a killer in you, my love... okay, enough.
"the world is a vampire, sent to drain, secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames." -smashing pumpkins.
oh, guess what movie I get to go see again with lauren... yay! LotR! yay!
mmm... frodo... mmm... legolas... mmm... aragorn... mmm...
Went on a Smashing Pumpkins downloading binge.. got shitloads from morpheus. what fun. i do think that sp is one of the greatest bands that our generation has known. too bad the bastards broke up. (and by "bastards" i mean "bastards and a bitch".) their music speaks for those of us who aren't *quite* generation x... and too old to be generation y...
isn't it funny the way they "name" generations, and attempt to clump people into these neat little boxes, even though people are born not in generations but in a continuum? maybe they should just call us "children of the 80's." but sp speaks more for "children of the late 70's to mid-80's". there we go.
poll: if the fifties ended when kennedy was assassinated, the sixties ended with woodstock, the seventies with the death of disco... what killed the 80's? what about the 90's? did the 90's end on september 11?
i'm tempted to say that the 90's started the day kurt cobain killed himself...? what is the defining moment of that decade?
1.02.2002
weeee! it's been snowing on and off all day. too bad it's 37 degrees outside and the snowflakes haven't got, well, a snowball's chance in hell of sticking. and by "snowball" i mean "snowflake." and by "hell" i of course mean "texas." not much of a stretch, after all.
went shopping for my birthday, and picked out some things. of course i'll be surprised when i open them... (:
i wish we'd get a foot of snow. a foot. how cool would that be? *sigh* i hate texas.
there's something chilly about Smashing Pumpkins songs. perhaps it's just the MCIS disc.. but the songs feel cold. in a good way. like hot chocolate and fires. and snow falling on the grass outside. and even sticking. inches of it. a good thing.
"tomorrow's just an excuse away
so i pull my collar up and face the cold
all alone"
-smashing pumpkins, thirty-three
1.01.2002
sipping tea
let the rivers pass me by
these dusty tears
need no place to cry
i need no reason
for the first time in my life
i just need to be on my way
i don't want for anything that i don't have
all i want is waiting for me there
for me there
with my czarina
queen of all that all that I believe
still born seasons cradle our affairs
i light a candle
my lover to protect
in sack cloth and ashes
my lover will descend
i need no reason for the first time in my life
i just need to be on my way
i don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
for me there
hide behind your walls
I waste a day
if I want
all this and more are under me
I need no reason for the first time in my life
I just need to be on my way
I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
I don't want for anything that I don't have
all I want is waiting for me there
for me there
for me there
-smashing pumpkins, czarina
has billy corgan been reading my mind lately or something? because this song applies almost perfectly to me right now. even down to the tea part. (:
Considering unmarrying my blog from my webpage, since i've made so many changes to the blog template that i really don't feel like making to the template i publish the rest of my site on. especially since i don't have a template, just about twelve different html files. if i were really good i'd do it in frames, or even CSS, but i'm not really good. i think i will learn CSS this spring or summer. hmm. i think i might like this new look... perhaps, i'll come up with something nifty to go down the side... like a graphic or something... hmm. just something to ponder. that's right, i'm bored again, having finished all three Lord of the Rings books... and Fellowship and selections from Return again... trying to decide whether Frodo fell to the Ring in the end. It's too vague. But i suppose that's the way Tolkien intended it. what a genius.
"confusion is a definite direction." -splendid
happy new year. 2002. a palindromic year. the first since 1991 and the last until 2112... which, barring some breakthrough in medicine, none of us will live to see. so, make this year a year of palindromes, and a year to remember, because you won't see another. think of how lucky you are to live in this age where we have 2 palindrome years within 11 years... and think of the millions born after 1881 who died before 1991 and never lived to see one. yeah, you're lucky. you also survived the turning of Y2K and the Millenium...
and a whole lot more this year. 2001 will be remembered for "september 11", that tragic day whose events can only be referred to by the date they occured on not what transpired, because no one in the news media came up with a catchphrase for them soon enough. maybe it's because "new york" is too broad - tons of shit goes down in new york. not that much shit goes down in oklahoma city, or in waco, or at columbine high school. so we use the date.
what else happened in 2001? I started the year by knowing that I was going to Stanford. I turned 18. i made the Texas All-State Band. I went to my senior prom with a guy who I thought to be the love of my life. In fact I spent a good portion of 2001 on that one. Even rang in the old new year with him. Kind of seems like a waste of time in retrospect. someone once told me that if it didn't feel like you were wasting time when you were doing it, then it's not wasted time. wise words. anyway. 2001 brought my high school graduation... the pantyhose rebellion, "why can't you just accept things the way they are for once, kat?" "when was the last time that did any good?" who's at stanford and who's at baylor? that's right. a cruise... to the carribbean, not to Bora Bora... oh, that boring job. hideously boring job. found a friend to keep me occupied, however, during those long hours... that was fun. then three planes hit world landmarks, i flew the next week out to california, and my life started anew. new friends, roommates, classes, books, homework, midterms, reading... mike... i remember talking to JP after my first date with mike and recounting the minutes and asking him if he thought i'd score a second date... and look at me now. (: funny how that works. anyway, i say goodbye to 2001 with a wonderful family, amazing friends, an incredible """boyfriend""", and a 3.57. i win.
may the new year smile upon us all and bring us as many joys as the old.
"yeah, life has a funny funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's all right and everything's going great... life has a funny funny way of helping you out." -alanis morissette
12.31.2001
12.30.2001
i suppose i should blog, even though i'd really just rather go to bed.
went driving with andrew, barbara, mike wallace. wallace drove. he has a mustang. back seat of mustang is small, very small.
went to eatzi's for dinner. that's this little grocery-store-type-thing with super-good food and super-high prices. but it's gourmet. and yummy. so we bought stuff. brought it back here and moped about. then we went driving.
went to sonic, got ice cream. drove. drove. somewhere in here barbara revealed that she didn't know what a malt was. tried to tell her it was like what's in the middle of a whopper. she was thinking burger king whoppers, not chocolate whoppers. so we went to an albertsons and bought whoppers. barbara didn't like them. so we drove. got lost. kept driving. ended up in fort worth. drove north. passed 1709. ended up in denton. took I-35 back south through lewisville. SNOW in denton and lewisville. Hopefully will come through S-town soon. i love waking up to whiteness where there had been green and brown. it's beautiful.
yes. i want to sleep.
12.29.2001
ok, so the third time's the charm or something...
so i definitely saw the lord of the rings again, for the third time. taste them again, for the first time. like corn flakes, only less bland. and you don't need to sprinkle sugar on the movie to think it kicks ass.
jamie said she didn't think it lasted three whole hours, and that she was ready for another two. i told her there was another six hours coming, if you can wait a year or two. i'm not sure i can. well, maybe i can deal just watching the movie every month or so and reading the books. it's only twelve months, anyway.
casting: beautiful. i wouldn't have thought elijah wood should be frodo, but after having seen it i can't imagine it any other way. he really breathes life into the role. legolas is the best-cast character, where did they find this guy that looks like an elf? and aragorn. the eyes... viggo mortensen's eyes... they have something in them that screams "i am the lost king of gondor, and i will return!" ohh, it's great.
hmmm.. i really should re-read the book. after i finish Return of the King i will, so i can remember how much they left out of the movie. it's a lot... but i don't think it really detracted from the story.
after the movie, got coffee with jamie and mulholland and whiz-head... saw malia there. that was interesting, since jamie and i had been talking about how we kept seeing stanford people... (malia lives in otero, but she also lives in bedford which is like 20 minutes away. bedford evidently has a woeful lack of starbucks.) she's too cute. it was really funny though because she and her friend were both wearing black turtleneck sweaters and blue jeans... and so was i... so we all matched. hehe. it was funny.
after i dropped off jamie i dropped in on nathan's star wars fest... he and alex were subjecting amy to all three star wars movies in a row. she lost her star wars virginity. but of course nathan kept making jokes, and when i'm in his company i can't keep my mouth shut (i beat him to a diaper joke concerning the emperor and nursing homes), so she probably was scarred. hehe. it was cool, though, to see amy and alex again. amy's a senior this year, and alex is at trinity. yay band friends. mmm. yay return of the jedi. ewoks!
mmm. i'm liking the concept of bed right now.
"i wish the ring had never come to me. i wish none of this had happened."
"so do all who live to see such days. but it is not theirs to decide. all we have to decide is what to do with the time given us."
-frodo and gandalf
mmm. going today to see LotR for the third time. cool. it'll be fun. i love that movie, love love love. i think i should see it in the theater more than i saw star wars episode one... because LotR was waaaay better. sooo, that means i'll have to see it at least eight times. unfortunately i dunno if that's going to happen, with me being a college student and not so much having movie theaters at my disposal. maybe they'll show it at flicks. that'd rule. so if you count today that'll be four. wee.
so mom's trying to get me to buy tickets home for spring break. i'd really rather do something else for spring break... being at home is going to suck, because it's a different break from all of my friends, and even my mom and sister. so i'd sit on my ass at home all week. or work at aundrea's. which would be money, but no fun. :P stupid weird-ass spring break.
blah.
weee lord of the rings! weee!
and here, for your viewing pleasure:
mmm, frodo... mmm
12.28.2001
I never quite remember how much i dislike shopping until I go. I spent the majority of today at North East Mall (read: far as fuck away). Wandered through their inferior Nordstroms, Gap, bought a pair of jeans at Abercrombie (oh my god, did i really do that? no people, you don't understand, I've never BEEN IN an abercrombie before today, and now i own a pair of their jeans... i guess it'll go with my banana republic shirt.)... bought jamie's christmas present at B&N because i'm a slacker and buy presents after the fact... had McD's for lunch. ew.
I've become addicted to JRR Tolkien. I'm about 2/3 of the way through the first half of Return of the King... unfortunately the way the second 2 books are structured, you have to wait until the second half of the book (the second book of the book :P ) to read about frodo and sam. which sucks because they kind of got screwed over at the end of the Two Towers. so i'm lying in wait and don't know what's become of the poor hobbits, sent to Mordor... I have to read all about the war in Gondor and the siege at Minas Tirith. It's less exciting, except the part about Eowyn, the power chick who defied her father's orders and went to war with the men, that was cool. Anyway, it's good shit, yo. my new drug.
tonight: lebanese fest! jamie's mom and mrs. bu-abbud are cooking a lebanese feast for the fitzgeralds and the bu-abbuds and the halboutys and other people... they decided that i'm cool enough to be honorary lebanese, i suppose... it'll be fun. i love lebanese food! (:
I must read Rumi. I have become fascinated by Sufism.
12.27.2001
okay, you impatient morons, it's finally up... the updated soundtrack page. eat your hearts out.
i'm going to go read tolkein now.
stupid blogger, being all down and shit yesterday... stupid hackers. :P
went to see lord of the rings again.. it was good, maybe even better, the second time around. went with colin, it was nice to see him again... even if he talked about war tactics most of the time. i smiled and nodded. he hasn't read the LotR trilogy but he appreciates epic literature and consequently highly enjoyed the movie. the girl i sat next to, however, doesn't... and is a moron. she talked through the entire damn thing. like after the beginning sequence about the ring was over she was like, that was a good movie, let's go now. and kept making wise-ass cracks through the entire film. it got a little annoying. and then at the end, she screamed "WHAT??" as if she were expecting them to get to Mt. Doom and destroy the ring in *this* book (there was a book?). um, what would the other two be about then, huh? yeah, that's what i thought. hmm. well, anyway, i think it's time i read the two towers and maybe even the return of the king. i have to wait for will to get up because they're in his room... stupid me, getting up all early and shit.
so yesterday i tried to do this thing called "exercise" but it was a complete failure. i remembered why i hate running outdoors - i can't do it. when it's cold, i get this stupid thing called "exercise-induced asthma" which sucks ass and makes me hurt all over. so i ran a little over a half-mile and came back in utter pain. wasn't sure i'd recover. fortunately i did. i need to find some other method of exercise until i get to school. like step aerobics or something. lol. i could watch an aerobics video and "work it." that'd be funny. hehe.
i had a dream last night but unfortunately i can't remember what it was about. dammit, i should remember these things more often. :P
12.25.2001
today was christmas, evidently.
well, it began with opening presents and saying, "wow, cool" and trying things on and eating cinnamon rolls... and continued with lots of movie-watching, and stuff, but something was missing today.
it could be the fact that my parents didnt make the kids line up at the top of the stairs and come down together on video tape and act surprised concurrently like we have always done in the past.
it could be the fact that the sweet-ass mp3 player i got doesn't want to work with winXP. dad and i spent 2 hours trying to download winXP compatible drivers and ran around in circles. it kept downloading something that was created in 1997, according to the timestamp, by microsoft... that's not quite right. so we're going to try again tomorrow, and if that doesn't work, then we'll find someone to bitch at, because i can't return it. it was packaged in one of those eeeeevil plastic bubble packs, the kind that everyone hates and that hate everyone, and i destroyed it when i got it open, so there's no hope of... "original packaging materials." so, if i have to write the fucking drivers myself, i'm gonna get that mp3 player to work. that didn't keep me from spending a couple minutes in tears this morning though. :( stupid fucking windows.
it could be that... or it could be that by the time santa claus got to the store the other day, they were out of hershey kisses. evidently out of reese's too. so we got stockings full of werthers (not bad) and those little strawberry things (bad). NO CHOCOLATE. it was a chocolate- free christmas for me... which probably accounts for the weirdness.
when you're a kid, there's something in the air on christmas. it seems to me that it's been fading the past few years... the feeling in the weeks building up to the day diminishes year by year... by the time i'm grown up, will it be just another day? is it my age, or is it my diminishing (as if there was any left) faith that made today seem like any other day? but it is just the christians and their gods, the father and son, in whom i have lost faith... i still have faith in people, and anyway, isn't that what today has come to mean to so many of us?
oh, and i'm afraid i may have developed some sort of alcohol allergy. the thing that happened to me last week with the kahlua happened again at dinner with the wine. or maybe it's just that i'm still sick and shouldn't be drinking... but what if...?
god, this had to have been the worst christmas i have experienced. i wish i were back home, in california.
12.24.2001
[holiday cheer]
hmmm, where can i find some holiday cheer to spread to my friends? a quick check of my source of everything, google turns up some interesting results... some recipies (sends kat on an "ooh, i meant to look up the recipe for wasabi mashed potatoes for mom, this is an interesting recipe, oops, it calls for wasabi powder, not paste... oh well, it's too late for this christmas, maybe new years" tangent), goofy tapes, an essay on "Holiday Cheer at the Pentagon" (not written this year, interestingly enough)... too much holiday cheer for me. But aren't the little polar bears on the Google logo just tooo fucking cute?? hmmm. well, no cheer there. Where could i find cheer?
"you'd better find some holiday cheer somplace. 'cause it's your fucking patriotic duty. 'n shit."
okay, i give up, just have a happy christmas. (:
(even you, joel.)
12.23.2001
okay, i'm stopping for the night. feel free to leave me suggestions about my blog's new appearance... it's kinda rough, but i think i like the direction this is headed. might want to weave the color 333333 (kind of olive drab the bg of the blog part used to be) back in somewhere...? not sure. also maybe center the "too much information" part? put something else in that cell? hmm. something to consider. anyway, i'm done working on it for tonight. (:
ahh, just saw Lord of the Rings. That was a good movie. And by "good movie" i mean "fucking damn awesome movie." Can you say something is "fucking damn awesome"? or should it be "damn fucking awesome"? dammit. Anyway, you know what i mean. It really whips the llama's ass. I'm gonna have to see it again. only problem was that it was pretty damn long... like 3 hours... oh well. I have the patience (and bladder) of a superhuman.
dude, why is it that the ice cream man comes down our street when it's freaking Christmas Eve Eve??? I just heard the tinkle of bells, and it wasn't sleighbells, it was ice cream man bells.
mmm, elijah wood, mmm.
she thinks she missed the train to mars,
she's out back counting stars.
she thinks she missed the train to mars,
she's out back counting stars.
she's not at work she's not at school
she's not in bed i think i finally broke her
i bring her on everything i want
and nothing that she needs
i thought she'd be there holding daisies
she always waits for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars
she's out back counting stars
i found her out back sitting naked
looking up and looking dead
a crumpled yellow piece of paper
with seven 9's and 10's
i thought she'd be there holding daisies
she always waits for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars
she's out back counting stars
i thought you'd be there holding daisy
you always wait for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars
she's out back counting stars
*sobbb*
i have a sinus infection. I woke up this morning and thought, "hello, sinus infection." It hurts to bend over. My top teeth hurt when i do some things. I have a headache.
oh boy. i just looooove sinus infections...
on the plus side, the cough is better, and the throat is too (but it still hurts to swallow... just not to the point where i want to scream every time. just to the point that it's annoying.)
talked to nathan on the phone briefly last night... he called my cell at 11:30 and asked if i was still dead.. and when i said "yeah, i am" he said "damn, yeah, you sound like you're still dead." :P
*sigh* oh well. i wonder what i'm going to do today...
12.22.2001
Feeling a bit better today... still coughing, though. When i swallow it's more as if there were a hundred razorblades in the back of my throat, rather than a thousand, as was the case yesterday.
Read Pygmalion, for the hell of it, 'cause i figure i should in order to be an "educated human being." Wouldn't have read it if someone had told me at the beginning, "This play is exactly like the movie My Fair Lady... exactly." I thought the musical was just based on the play, not copied from it.... ah well. That shit happens, and life goes on.
I finished William Gibson's Idoru today. Not quite sure how i feel about it... it's kind of interesting. Definitely cyberpunk, more accessible than the sequels to neuromancer, but nowhere near as good as neuromancer itself. It occured to me as I finished that that's what I've been doing since I got home - reading. Since I've been sick and can't go out, I've read a few books in the week i've been home... all four Harry Potter books again, Michael Crichton's Timeline, Idoru, and Pygmalion... Timeline was particulary good, quite original... he comes up with new concepts, instead of rehashing his same "groundbreaking" ideas like gibson seems to have done later in his career...
Got my IHum grade... the bitch gave me an 84 on my final project, and a B overall. Hmmph. I thought I did way better than that, especially on the project. :P Grr, i'm angry. Oh well.
here
i am
and i dont' have much to say
it seems so strange
to stare at you
and to feel this way
feel this way
here
i am
and i don't really care this time
the phone can ring
off the hook
i don't mind
i don't mind
love is lonely (i don't mind)
love is cruel (i don't mind)
love is only
for a fool, for a fool
here
i am
and i'm not really sure right now
shut the shade,
the light's too bright
and i don't feel so well
i don't feel so well
love is lonely (feel so well)
love is cruel (feel so well)
love is only
for a fool, for a fool
so here
i am
and i don't really care this time
the record skips
stammers the beat
and repeats the line
love is lonely (repeats the line)
love is cruel (repeats the line)
love is only
for a fool,
for a fool
so here i am
::"here i am":: josh joplin group ::
12.21.2001
Ahh, just read back through all my friends' blogs... it's interesting how style varies. Some of you tell it like it is, a daily narrative, from a few quips about your doings to pages upon pages of everything you did that day. Some of you are more poetic in your posts... with a writing style I wish I could use, flowing sentences and really cool vocabulary. Other blogs seem to be more random... a few words that hint at what went on in your day that I wonder if I could piece together had I not been there and experienced it with you.
I wonder why I did not discover the guitar as a musical instrument earlier. Perhaps it's just because I never had one... but I've been playing my sister's guitar for approximately a week now, and i'm already pretty good, if i may say so. I mean, obviously not GOOD, the kind of good that would take years to cultivate, and i obviously still suck, but for having played for just a week I'd say i'm good. It's fun.
songs i have learned:
::Everlong (foo fighters) (that was with in a day!)
::Wonderwall (oasis)
::Crash into Me (dave matthews)(sorta... it's a bitch on the pinky)
::Hang (matchbox twenty) (but i have to look at the cheat sheet for that one, it's kinda complicated)
::the power chords to Closing Time (semisonic)... it's good fun. weeee!
Why is it that I feel like I have nothing intelligent to say when I open the blogger window?
Yep, i'm still fuckin' sick. Still. God dammit, why can't I get better? :P
On the up-side, i am feeling a bit better... though my throat still hurts like fuck if i don't take advil, and my nose is stuffy. I'll stop my bitchin'.
Mmmm... boring christmas break at home... can't hang with friends 'cause i'm sick... keep coughing... ears nose throat hurt... hehe. i just said that i'd stop my bitchin'.
hey mike, i love the way you found my site for searching on google for "kat reinhart is a sexy sexy bitch". That makes me happy. (:
12.18.2001
12.17.2001
...
So yeah, back home and everything. Haven't seen any friends, except for andrew who stopped by on friday on his way from tech in lubbock to his parent's
new house in houston. haven't quite decided how i feel about being home either. kinda nice to have a mom around, except when she's yelling at me for this or that. not that i missed having to do the dishes and stuff... the food's better here, but i haven't really been able to enjoy it because of this cold, which my roommate heather was kind enough to pass along onto me before break. I think I'm getting better though because i can swallow again. throat isn't sore anymore, really... just kinda lumpy. a bit scratchy too. got a cough, but i think i'm over the contagiousness thing. eh.
got grades for japanese (a-, though i dont' know quite why...) and calc (a) and am happy about both... yay. parents were pleased with the calc grade, had been expecting a b. (: weee!
yeah.
12.16.2001
12.14.2001
meet me in outer space
we could spend the night
watch the earth come up
i've grown tired of that place
won't you come with me
we could start again
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
how do you do when
it's better than i ever knew
meet me in outer space
i will hold you close
if you're afraid of heights
i need you to see this place
it might be the only way
that i can show you how
it feels to be inside you
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
how do you do when
it's better than i ever knew
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
you are stellar
you are stellar
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
how do you do when
it's better than i ever knew
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
how do you do when
you make me feel like i do
incubus, "stellar"
12.13.2001
i'm bitter to be leaving the state that i have claimed as my own. i'm bitter because i'm leaving stanford, and branner, and california, and mike, and all my friends, and my room... i'm also bitter because i got strip-searched in the airport. I'm not particularly looking forward to spending three weeks at home... finals might even be better. I'd write an IHum paper a week if I could not go home... but it will be nice to see my sister, and my brother, and my friends... but i'm not looking forward to the idea of being in texas. I'm not a big fan. Texas doesn't so much do it for me anymore. I've fallen in love with California and all that it represents... liberty, freedom, equality, free thought... i've fallen in love with mike rather than karl, and california rather than texas.
and i got strip-searched in the airport. i'm doubleplus bitter about that.
a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember the last thing that she said
as you were leaving, and the days go by so fast
and it's one more day up in the canyon
and it's one more night in hollywood
if you think that i could be forgiven
i wish you would
the smell of hospitals and winter and
the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls
and all at once you look across a crowded room
to see the way that light attaches to a girl
and it's one more day up in the canyon
and it's one more night in hollywood
if you think you might come to california
i think you should
drove up to hillside, met her sometime after 2am,
and talked a little while about the year
i guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
makes you talk a little lower
bout the things you could not show her
and it's been a long december and tehre's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass
and it's one more day up in the canyon
and it's one more night in hollywood
its been so long since i've seen the ocean
i guess i should
12.12.2001
...
So I'm in the middle of packing to go home for 3 weeks... 3 weeks with my family. Yikes, dude. Yikes. I dunno how i'm going to be able to stay sane during that... hmm. I'm going to miss all my friends here... heather, becky, nicole, katie... mike... yeah. especially mike. he's great. (: it's only 3 weeks though, i can do it... we can do it... won't be a problem. plus, i'll get to see all my at-home friends... barbara, nathan, lizzie, big jon, jenny, natalie, brandon and nathan, everyone... it'll be cool. hopefully. nathan wants to get trashed with me... that might be fun, if we can figure out how to pull it off. and i'll get to see my sister.. i miss carrie... she's awesome. and the rest of my family too... it'll be cool. i suppose going home won't be bad, just different. i'm gonna miss everyone here, and this place, something wicked though. it'll be nice to take a vacation, but it'll be super-nice to come back here afterwards, have it be a new quarter, with new classes, and new people to see, and old people to see, and not have to worry about work for awhile. i need the vacation, but i need the return after the vacation even more. but to have one you must have the other, so it's not bad. i'll survive. plus, it'll be christmas. i like christmas.
12.11.2001
imagine there's no heaven
it's easy if you try
no hell below us
above us only sky
imagine all the people
living for today
imagine there's no countries,
it isn't hard to do
nothing to kill or die for
and no religion, too
imagine all the people
living life in peace
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
i hope someday you will join us
and the world will live as one
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
i hope someday you will join us
and the world will be as one
-john lennon
12.10.2001
Considering making a "procrastination tools" list... there are so many of them. My personal favorite today is this: YATTA! but there are so many more... how long can you look at this without laughing? or, from RA Molly, the Asian Prince - are you his princess?
weeeee!
Sometimes, when I'm making oatmeal, I get this feeling, kind of squishy, like maybe I've added too much water. Then I stop calling it "oatmeal" and start calling it "oatmeal soup." It's still just as heartwarming, but with more volume and less fat.
"Good taste" is my motto when I make my oatmeal; this is to broaden relations among human.
12.09.2001
christmas music...
puts me in a certain mood. it's cool. now i'm thinking about last christmas. I remember it was the friday night before finals started that i called into stanford to find out if i got in. so it was about a year ago that i ran around the house like a madwoman screaming "I GOT IN! I GOT IN!" i went to starbucks with jamie to celebrate, with lizzie, because she'd just gotten into duke too. wow, those were the days.
HOLY FUCK. I had written a whole fucking blog here and I just control-z'ed it away... why doesn't it have a fucking redo button???!!! WAAAAH! I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself!!!! Bangs fucking head on desk.
The point of hte blog i had written was that i am totally fucke up on caffeine right now. i'm on a majjr caffeine high. i'm making a ashitload of typos but i' dont care, i'm going to leave them in for effect. See, i'm not using the backspace button. So i got this idea to play a game of typer A but I got a 263 on it, not due to lack of speed but doe to lack ofa ccuracy. i can't type accurately right nwob ecause i'm so caffeinated. i'm also trying to come up with an idea for mysecond vagina monologue. my first one is incredible butmy secondo ne just doesn't wanna happen. I haven't got a topic. hmm.
dude, my hand is totally shaking. cool. i'm giving myself carpal tunnel syndrome as well, because i'm so wasted and because
we went laser questing.
it was cool. i shot people. but now my forearm hurts because ofthe fucking trigger (my gun was messed up and shit) it was hard. and now my forearm on my right arm hurts. and i'm not making it any better by frnatically typing... but whatever. i need to come up with a second idea for a vagina monologue; fuck.
fire trucks at wilbur? what the fuck?
alcohol poisoning? that'd suck.
so i'm holding my hand up and watching it shake. that's kinda fun, actually. damn.
i cna't think of anything else to blog about, so i'm gonna stop wasting my wrists. laters.
12.08.2001
i love it that the only conditions under which i receive communication from karl are when he's trying to prove me wrong. he's sent me news articles about how stanford sucks, and today i got this one. http://www.cnn.com/2001/TECH/science/12/06/physics.reut/index.html interesting.
12.07.2001
wasted today.
Spent the afternoon surfing the web. heather pointed me to a site that is "pro-ana" (meaning it supports anorexia as a lifestyle rather than as a disease) and so now i am highly disturbed. there are some fucked-up people out there... evidently there's a shitload of controversy surrounding these websites, because they promote self-destruction and starvation. lots of people trying to censor shit and stuff. i say what the fuck, dude, everyone's entitled to their opinions. and hell, if they want to look like they're from somalia, whatever.
fucked up shit, dude.
tonight i want to get some work done. it's only 7, which is good, but i seem to have no work ethic, after yesterday's ihum discussion where kristy totally blasted my project and ripped it apart. she's got a good point though, which is "how the fuck (okay, so she didn't say "the fuck) does this relate to foucault?" uh... it's about sex and power? I wonder if it's too late to change my project. *bangs head on desk* may i please fail ihum? please? fuckers.
might go to the library later. get some shit done.
so lately i've been wondering who will be there to take my place
when i'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face
every great wave shall fall and it'll fall upon us all
beetween the sand and stone, could you make it on your own?
if i could then i would go wherever you will go
way up high or down low i'll go wherever you will go
and maybe i'll find out a way to make it back someday
to watch you to guide you through the darkest of your days
every great wave shall fall and it'll fall upon us all
and i hope there's someone out there who can
bring me back to you
if i could then i would i'd go wherever you will go
way up high or down low i'd go wherever you will go
run away with my heart
run away with my hope
run away with my love
i know now it's quiet now my life and love might still go on
in your heart in your mind i'll stay with you for all of time
if i could then i would i'd go wherever you will go
way up high or down low i'd go wherever you will go
if i could turn back time
i'll go wherever you will go
if i could make you mine
i'll go wherever you will go
i'll go wherever you will go
:wherever you will go: by :the calling:
personality test results:
It's official. I'm a schizotypal, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive. Cool. I rule.
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Moderate |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | High |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | Moderate |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | Moderate |
| Dependent: | Moderate |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Click Here To Take The Test -- | |
12.06.2001
12.05.2001
"hello, you've reached jenny's roommate. Jenny's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name and number I'll have her call you back when she gets in. If you're trying to reach Heather, say so and I'll give the phone to her. If you're trying to reach me, get your ass over here and give me cpr because it'll give me a heart attack to actually receive a phone call."
daily ranting time
yes, it's time for that daily avoidance mechanism known as... blogging!
things to rant about: my roommate jenny. dining hall food. secret snowflake. annoying kids in my dorm. how much i hurt after working out on monday night.
jenny. her music. it pisses me off. she seems to be able to work with an amazing amount of noise in the room. i have no idea how she does it. also, she and her friends like to come in here and make noise while i'm trying to work, to no avail. a few nights ago we had the whole fuckin' basketball team again (sans chris, of course, because chris is frightened by jenny) (okay, so it wasn't the whole basketball team, it was just josh and rob, but still.) as well as ogonna and this one girl that jenny is friends with named ahimsa. it's a cool name, means nonviolence toward all... it kinda annoys me though, because she's annoying. i just want to ask her, do you know what your fucking name means? no? you should. and if she does, then why the fuck are you not a vegan?? grr. so anyway, everyone likes to come in here and turn up the rap music really loud and dance... never mind the fact that i'm sitting at my desk slaving over a problem set. problem sets are a foreign concept to this group. homework? what's that? let's go make noise, because surely if we're not doing homework then no one else is...
so tonight, ahimsa shows up and i'm just like, oh god, here goes. the two of them just make some noise for a few minutes and then jenny announces that she's going to some group called "cardinal life" which is evidently some sort of get-together for christians... and so she and ahisma leave, music still full fucking blast. that mystifies me. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NOT TURN IT OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM?? DO YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT AS YOU WALK DOWN THE HALL?? (sorry for yelling. this bothers me though.) *sob*
after that rant, i don't feel like ranting about anything else.
12.04.2001
12.03.2001
ahh, so i'm almost out of avoidance mechanisms, and therefore it's time for me to begin publishing things online. i'll start out by blogging, then i'll decide to change the sidebar on my webpage, and while i'm at that, i might as well change the format of my webpage, and then the content will go, and then it'll be 2AM and i won't have gotten shit done on anything but my webpage. it's a vicious cycle. Especially when i have an ihum final project due next week, a final on monday, a problem set due on thursday, an interview in japanese on wednesday. yeah. it's hell week, obviously. mmm...
...mmm, primal scream... primal scream is fun. at midnight every night during dead week you open your window and scream out of it, as loud as you can. it's a beautiful thing, to hear the scream resounding across campus. it's great.
so it's also secret snowflake this week. i find secret snowflake amusing. too bad i missed the signups or whatever. actually, i'm starting to think that it wasn't too bad that i missed the signups, because doing stupid shit just isn't my bag, baby. ah well. Laughing at people doing stupid shit, however, is my bag... so it's all good.
and now, in honor of "dead week that isn't really dead," i give you: "Who needs sleep?" by the Barenaked Ladies.
now i lay me down not to sleep
i just get tangled in the sheets
i spin and sweat three inches deep
just lay back and claim defeat
chapter read and lesson learned
i turn the lights off while she burned
so while shes three hundred degrees
i throw the sheets off and i freeze
my lids down, i count sheep,
i count heartbeats
the only thing that counts is that
i won't sleep, i count down,
i look around
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
my hands are locked up tight in fists
my mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do and things i've done
another sleepless night's begun
my lids down, i count sheep,
i count heartbeats
the only thing that counts is that
i won't sleep, i count down,
i look around
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
so much joy in life so many pleasures all around
but the pleasure of insomnia is one i've never found
with all life has to offer there's so much to be enjoyed
but the pleasures of insomnia are ones i can't afford
my lids down, i count sheep,
i count heartbeats
the only thing that counts is that
i won't sleep, i count down,
i look around
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy's been awake since the second world war
12.02.2001
today's random thought: the dorms in wilbur are in alphabetical order, starting from the lower left (if you're in branner). think about it... arroyo, then cedro, then junipero, and okada, on the other side there is otero, rinconada, soto, and trancos. how cool is that? okay, so not that cool but whatever. random observation. weee.
11.30.2001
okay, so that post below this one, the one thats nothing but a broken picture link, well, here's the story. i'm an idiot.
i forgot to close the quotation marks [img src="....."] tag. yeah. so it thought everything after that was in the link or something. so, to add to the funness, i can't click the "edit" link in blogger to delete the fuckup post. so, there it will remain, ever a reminder of how stupid kat can be. i'm so cool.
and, to add to the KAT IS AN IDIOTness, I deleted the post that i made yesterday that had so many cool comments!!! *sigh.* i'm such a fuckup.
*bangs head on desk* what, oh what, ever posessed me to have twelve?!?!
11.28.2001
So, I think I'm gonna do some archives here. My blog hates the concept of archiving, who knows why... that's why there has been a definite dearth of archives recently. But, I think I can just do it manually by months... they'll be long, but whatever. And i'll put them on my stanford webspace rather than on blogspot. *shrug* eh.
Webmastering is for me the ultimate avoidance mechanism. Whenever I have a shitload to do, I work on my webpage. It's great. Today I have a problem set due in math tomorrow (which i've decided to mostly blow off, due to a 108 on the midterm, and the fact that we get one free hw dropped) and an abstract for my final IHum project due in section tomorrow. It's really bad; I'm finding myself thinking about doing the abstract in the time between math and section tomorrow. I don't think that'll work, Kat... you need to do it today.
Once again, it's ass-cold here. I kind of like it. I bundle up in my happy sweater, my happy hat, my happy gloves, and occasionally even my happy scarf (biking home from FroSoCo this morning, it would have been *really* nice...). Mmm. Lots of happy clothing.
Mmm. Ask me about last night sometime if you want an entertaining story. I don't find it bloggable, because even though this is "kat... uncensored" i have found my home IP address in the stats from time to time... danger, Will Robinson!
With that said, however, I aced my vocab quiz this morning. Just something to think about.
Today is an Enya day. I only have four Enya tracks, though, which kind of upsets me, because I want to listen to more Enya today.
I decorated my desk for the holidays... which involved hanging the cheap glass ornaments on a sprig of plastic greenery that is duct-taped to the shelf above my desk. It's festive. Yay festivity. Merry Yuletide.
Mmmm.... time to make archives. Weeeee!
please don't say i love you
those words touch me much too deeply
they make my core tremble
don't think you realize the effect you have over me
and please don't look at me like that
it just makes me want to make you
near me always
and please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
and please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
and please don't come so close
it just makes me want to make you
near me always
please don't bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
and don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
it makes me want to make you
near me always
and when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
it's nothing that i understand
but in your arms you have complete power over me
so be gentle please
your hands are in my hair but
my heart is in your teeth baby and
it makes me want to make you
near me always
my heart is in your teeth baby and
it makes me want to make you
near me always
makes me want to make you
near me always
i wanna be near you always
jewel, "near you always"
11.27.2001
I woke up in mid afternoon, ‘cause that’s when it all hurts the most
I dreamed I never know anyone at the party and I’m always the host
If dreams are like movies then memories are films about those
You can never escape you can only move south down the coast
I am an idiot walking a tightrope of fortune and fame
I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of flame
If you’ve never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame
And no, I’ll never forget your face, sometimes I can’t remember my name
Hey Mrs. Potter, don’t cry,
Hey, Mrs, Potter, I know why
But Hey mrs. Potter won’t you talk to me?
Well, there’s a piece of Maria in every song that I sing
And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings
And there is always one last light to turn out, one last bell to ring
And the last one out of the circus has to lock up everything
Or the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said
And when the ghosts of the world linger inside of your head
And when the ferris wheel junkies will spin there forever instead
When I see you a blanket of stars covers me in my bed
Hey Mrs. Potter don’t go
Hey Mrs. Potter don’t know but
Hey Mrs. Potter won’t you talk to me
Well the blue light reflections they cover my mind when I sleep
And the lovesick rejections that accompany the company I keep
All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep
Hey I can bleed as well as anyone but I need someone to help me sleep
So I throw my hair into the air and it swims in the beats
It’s just a brief interruption of the swirling gusts in the jet stream
Well I know I don’t know you and you’re probably not what you seem
Oh, but I’d sure like to find out so why don’t you climb down off that movie screen
Hey Mrs. Potter don’t turn
Hey Mrs. Potter I burn for you
Hey Mrs. Potter won’t you talk to me
And when the last king of Hollywood shatters his glass on the floor
And orders another we wonder what he did that for
‘cause when I know I have to get out ‘cause I have been there before
so I gave up my seat a the bar and I head for the door
we drove out to the desert just to lie down under this bowl of stars
we stand up in the palace like it’s the last of the great pioneer town bars
we shout out these songs against the clang of electric guitars
you can see a million miles tonight but you can’t get very far
you can see a million miles tonight but you can’t get very far
hey Mrs., Potter, won’t touch
Hey Mrs. Potter it’s not much
But Hey Mrs. Potter won’t you talk to me
Hey Mrs. Potter wont you talk to me
Hey Mrs. Potter won’t you talk to me
counting crows, "Mrs. Potter's Lullabye"
look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
i came along
i wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
so then i took my time
oh what a thing to have done
and it was all yellow
you're skin, oh yeah you're skin and bones
turning in to something beautiful
and you know, you know i love you so
you know i love you so
i swam across
i jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
cause we were all yellow
i drew a line
i drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow
and you're skin, oh yeah you're skin and bones
turning into something beautiful
and you know for you i'd bleed myself dry
for you i'd bleed myself dry
it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do
coldplay, "yellow"
11.26.2001
Okay, look here, david, i went home for thanksgiving. I had better things to do than blog. Well, actually, I kept a running commentary on my journey, but whatever. so here goes.
11-21-01- 1:47 PM PST
To blog.
That sounds like the phrase Westley utters in the Princess Bride when Billy Crystal fills his lungs up with the bellows and then presses on it. “tobllaaaaatth”
Anyway. To blog. I am writing this now to blog later. It is a chronicle of my trip home… my trip home. Home. What an odd concept that is. I feel now that Stanford is my home, that Branner is my home… that California is my home. But suddenly I have been told that Southlake is my home, when I thought I had moved out of Southlake a long time ago. The only part about it that will feel like home is my actual house, and my family. And I wonder if even in my own home if I’ll feel like a guest. Like the family has started to get along without me, like they will be accommodating me because I’m a guest, not because I am at home. I suppose that’s what most frightens me about going home – that it will not really be home. That I’ll be a stranger in a strange land, in my “hometown.” Shusshin. Shusshin wa Texas no Southlake desu. Even more surreal than seeing my family again will be seeing my friends. My friends who have all moved on to a new phase in their lives… each one of us has a new group of friends, a new home, now…
So I’m sitting here in the San Jose airport listening to Fiona Apple moan, “Nothing’s gonna change my world, nothing’s gonna change my world.” No, Fiona… you’re wrong. Everything has changed my world. My world has changed my world. I’ve changed my world, but my world has also changed me. I remember getting off the plane in San Francisco thinking, I will not leave the state of California for two months. Well, two months it has been. Now, it’s time for me to say “farewell” to this gorgeous state which I have adapted myself to, which I have made my own. I have become California and California has become me… what will Texas say when she sees me again? “My, how you’ve changed, my, how you’ve stayed the same!” Nothing could be closer to the truth.
11-22-01- 11:14 PM CST
Thanksgiving day has come and gone once more without really feeling like a holiday. Thanksgiving never really feels like a holiday to me. I really don’t know why. But then, very few days actually do feel like holidays… and I suppose if by feeling like a holiday I mean that we had dinner and ate pie and were home, then it felt like a holiday. Just to me it felt like it was lacking… something. Who knows what.
I spent the day napping. Kind of odd, actually. I learned why they put that little warning on the back of cold and allergy pills: “do not use with alcohol.” I mean, it’s not like I got piss-assed drunk and took cold meds, but I did have a half-glass of wine and a half-glass of champagne, and combined with the medication I was taking to stave off these allergies that I seem to have developed in the interim (I appear to be allergic to Texas. I’m not complaining.), I got very, very drowsy. I slept. I suppose I took three naps this afternoon, and almost a fourth. Weirdness.
Last night in the airport I remember seeing children that reminded me of myself. The first was a little girl, probably four to six, in the San Jose airport, who was dancing across the floor avoiding stepping on cracks. I couldn’t help but smile and think of what that little girl will be like when she’s eighteen. Perhaps she’ll be dancing across the tiles in the quad of Stanford University with some boy who understands perfectly why she orchestrates her steps so carefully… and why you just can’t step on cracks. The second was a boy who was probably five who was trying to teach his mother how to use a palm pilot, but she just didn’t get it. I got a kick out of that… “No, mommy, push THIS button!” “Uh-oh, what did I do wrong?” “You didn’t hit the right button! You have to tap here and then here!” It was really amusing. Then, in the Dallas airport, I saw a small girl, again probably four to six, who was playing a game about “only stepping on the white parts of the floor.” Maybe it was even the same girl. It was still amazingly cute.
So after the effects of the cold medication and the alcohol wore off, I taught myself how to play “Everlong” by the Foo Fighters on the guitar. Carrie bought herself a good entry-level Fender Strat Squier last week, so I got to fool around with it. I’ve got most of the basic chords for Everlong down… I wonder if Mike will be impressed when I play it for him. The tips of the fingers on my left hand kinda hurt. I bet guitarists have callused fingers.
Tomorrow, hopefully I’ll get to hang with some of my homies. Everyone was surprised to hear that I’d be in town for the break, so hopefully people will want to chill.
11-24-01 1:13 AM CST
I can’t sleep.
I just got back from hanging out with Barbara and Natalie about an hour ago. I tried to sleep for about 45 minutes, and I felt that I had a ton of stuff on my mind that needed writing down. So I started thinking about my IHum project, and the way Katie and I are writing our Vagina Monologues. I decided on a theme for my monologue… the way the words “vagina” and “virgin” have four letters in common, and how they both apply to me. I can’t talk about my vagina without talking about my virginity, so why not bring both “out of the dark” so to speak and make people nice and uncomfortable by talking about both. That’d be cool.
So I started writing some vaginality. It’s actually kind of refreshing, talking about private parts. I think our society would be a lot better off if we all said the word “vagina” at least once a day. I’ve tried, over the past few weeks, and I think I’ve succeeded, for the most part. Except for Thursday, when I was just talking to my family… I think that my grandmother would be shocked. Or my mother would be. But that’s just not the sort of thing you talk about with them. But I’m pretty sure I said “Vagina” to Barbara tonight… but I can’t be sure. That’s a good thing, because saying it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Vagina. Vagina. I have a vagina. Guys talk about penises, why can’t we talk about “vagina” more often? It’s a good thing. Vaginas are good. They’ve been stigmatized by society, so we owe it to them to make it up. Eh. Get over your sorry selves. I have a vagina, and I’m not afraid to use it. Ooooh, I like that line… (copy-pastes line into v-word document) hehehehe. It works. Hooray for vaginas.
So it’s 1:20, and I really don’t feel tired. This is a Bad Thing, because I need to be up and at ‘em with the rest of the family in the morning. I don’t know what’s on the calendar for tomorrow, other than gelato with my home fries, but I’m sure it’ll be interesting… Why is it that I can fall asleep anytime during the day (especially during calculus class) but I can’t fall asleep at night? Maybe it’s the mocha I had at Starbucks with Barbara…
Talked to Mike for awhile tonight on the phone. That was a good thing. He’s having a good time in LA. It sounds like a lot of fun. He also promised me that he’d come pick me up from the San Jose airport on Sunday night, which is a Good Thing. It’s so nice dating someone with easy access to a car… yay cars. Sucks for us frosh, who don’t get cars…
Today’s song clip: I Know by Save Ferris (from the 10 things I Hate About You soundtrack)
My momma said to stay away from guys like you
She said they were nasty, make me do things I don’t wanna do
Stay away from bad boys, they’ve got one thing on their mind
Their hormones are raging, and they want it all the time
And I know know ‘cause she said so but I can’t just let you go
And I know know ‘cause you said so and I can’t just let you go
Well I love you very much you’re nice to see and nice to touch
But I would never ever ever treat you wrong be waiting for you all along
And I know know ‘cause you said so and I can’t just let you go
And I know know ‘cause you said so and I can’t just let you go
Can’t let you go, can’t let you go
I said I want you to know
I said I want you to know right now
I said I want you to know…
And I know know ‘cause she said so and I can’t just let you go
And I know know ‘cause you said so and I can’t just let you go
And I know know ‘cause you said so and I can’t just let you go
Never let you go
11-24-01 11:44 PM CST
Hung out with tons of people at Starbucks tonight. It was me and Lizzie and Nathan and Barbara and Jenny and Natalie. We ran into tons of people there too, people that we graduated with and people who have yet to graduate. We talked about how amazing college has been… Lizzie and I are both happy and in relationships right now… other people are having trouble meeting members of the opposite sex. It was really neat trying to catch up with everyone, after having been apart for so long, but there was also weirdness there. Like we’d all moved on and were together for old time’s sake. I got shit for going to Stanford, which wasn’t so cool. I wish people would stop seeing it as a “prestigious university” and see it as a fucking college. It’s college. I go to class. I study. I party. Same as anywhere else. Get over it.
I’ll stop bitching now. (:
November 25, 2001 7:17 PST (just because PST is convenient…)
I’m in the air again, on the way back to Stanford. It was an interesting vacation, I suppose. It went by pretty damn fast, really… Kind of funny the way that works. Now I look at my syllabus and realize that there is only one real week in the quarter, the end of next week being dead week, followed by exams, and I’ll be home again in two and a half weeks. That’s weird, dude. Weird. But yeah, it’ll be cool. Christmas will be nice because I won’t have too much work to do over the break (if any… I doubt there will be any) which is a Good Thing. It’ll be all Christmas like and shit. And then it’ll be my birthday and the start of winter quarter and a whole bunch of classes and stuff. Eh. I could take that or leave it. But I can say that being at Stanford is better than being at home, because I have two live-in friends and a ton more just down the hall… but I do miss my home friends when I’m there. It’s an intricate balance you have to strike… between there and here… kind of weird. Oh well.
Wee, bloggie!!!!!!!!
Heh heh heh. Yeah, I’m a weirdo.
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